Talking to your family about your will

Money Advice Service

Talking about your plans for what you leave in your will should mean fewer squabbles and less resentment – but how do you start that awkward conversation?

Why it’s good to talk

If you want to avoid family fights, both now and after you’re gone, you should considering having ‘the talk’ with them about your wishes.

It’s your chance to explain what you’re doing and help your family understand why you think it’s the best course of action.

Nobody enjoys having to talk about death, but here’s how to make the conversation as easy and conflict-free as possible.

Preparing for ‘the talk’

1. Decide on your goals

Writing your will shouldn’t be about who deserves what – it should be about what you want your money to achieve.

Start by writing a list of your key priorities.

Did you know

Only 7% of people have spoken to their parents about inheritance

Source: National Savings and Investments survey, March 2011

Your priorities might be things like:

  • Supporting a charity you care about
  • Making sure that your spouse is provided for
  • Looking after a relative with an illness or disability
  • Ensuring your grandchildren get the best education

Once you’ve decided what you want to achieve, it will be much easier to work out what to leave to whom.

It’ll also help you explain your thinking to your family.

2. Write a rough draft of your will

The conversation will go much more smoothly if you have a basic draft of your will, or at least some notes.

That way you can talk about what you want, rather than have everyone else telling you what they want.

Nobody can tell you what to put in your will

In the end, it’s your decision who should receive what.

3. Set a time to talk

It can seem morbid arranging a special family meeting to talk about death.

If you think it’ll make people uncomfortable, don’t do it.

Instead, try setting aside a little time during a family event.

Let your family know in advance that you’d like to talk about your will at that time – it makes it less of a mood killer, and gives them a chance to think things over first.

During the conversation

1. Explain what you want to achieve

This is the time to set things off on the right foot.

Explain that there are reasons for the legacies you plan to leave – this helps your family to understand your point of view and gives people an idea of what to expect before you go into detail.

If you focus on what you want your will to achieve, rather than simply the pounds and pence, it can sidestep a lot of conflict.

2. Explain the details of your plan

Don’t forget to link these details back to your goals.

Try phrases like: “We agree that John will need support in future, so I plan to leave him half my estate.”

3. Ask for suggestions and opinions

You might find that some of your family have specific expectations about your will – encourage them to be open about this so you can understand.

It’s your decision in the end, but others might have some good ideas about how to look after family and friends that you haven’t thought of.

They might also care a lot about a particular sentimental object.

4. Stress that it’s ‘for now’

Many things might happen between your conversation and the end of your life.

New babies might arrive or you might lose someone in your family.

You can (and should) change your will when these things happen. Reassure your family that you’re prepared to review and reassess as things change.

5. Remember to be as tactful as you can

Many family relationships can be a bit rocky, and discussing wills and inheritances can bring this out into the open.

Make it clear that this isn’t about criticising people – it’s about what you want to happen to your assets when you’re gone, and you want to be constructive about that.

Of course, some of your decisions might be based on who you like and don’t like – but saying so won’t do you any favours.

Instead, try explaining that the money would do more good elsewhere.

Again, this will be much easier if you are clear on your goals.

Afterwards

1. Review your plan

You can review your plan after you’ve had the conversation – it might have just reinforced what you want to do or it might have given you some good ideas about changes you want to make.

2. Write or update your will

After talking things through and taking your family’s ideas on board, you’re ready to go to the next stage – writing your will for the first time or updating an existing will.

This article is provided by the Money Advice Service.

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Some important information about Rest Less Money

We want you to understand the positives, but also the limitations of using our site. We operate in a journalistic manner and therefore all information, guidance or suggestions provided are intended to be general in nature, and you should not rely on any of the information on the site in connection with the making of any financial decision.

When we set out to build Rest Less Money, we wanted to be a trusted place where you could find helpful information about financial matters affecting the over 50s. As a free to use resource, we try hard to provide the best information we can, but we cannot guarantee that we won’t occasionally make mistakes. So please note that you use the information on our site at your own risk, and we can’t accept liability if things go wrong.

Key things to remember when using Rest Less Money:

We do not offer financial advice – As a journalistic site, it’s important to know that we do not provide financial advice. You should always do your own research before choosing any financial product so that you can be certain it is right for you and your specific circumstances. If you are in any doubt, please seek professional financial advice from a regulated financial advisor.

No Liability – please note that you use the information on Rest Less Money at your own risk and we can’t accept liability for how you choose to use the information given on our site. We will often provide links to content or products and services available on other third-party websites. These are provided purely for your convenience and we cannot be held responsible for any content, or any of the products and services offered on any website that we link to.

 

Accuracy of Information – We try to make sure that all the information provided on Rest Less Money is correct at the time of publishing as we want it to be the most helpful resource possible. Sadly, we are not perfect however, and so we can make no guarantees as to the completeness, accuracy, adequacy or suitability of the information available on the site.
Whilst we work hard to try and provide accurate information, deals and prices can change, so whilst they may be correct at the time of writing, providers may subsequently decide to alter them later – so always double check first.

A final note on the Rest Less Community Forums – always remember that anyone can post their opinion on the Rest Less Community Forums, so it can be very different from our own opinion and may not be factual or well researched. Always be wary of any content posted on the forums and be sure to do your own research and due diligence on anything suggested. 

We hope you find Rest Less Money a useful resource and we would welcome your feedback at [email protected] on how to make it even better. For more information on any of the above you can read our full terms and conditions.

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