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We all want to belong, whether that’s through close relationships or being part of a larger community. But, for many of us, belonging isn’t just something we want – it’s something we need.
Science shows that when we feel lonely and crave connection, the same region of our brains lights up as when we’re hungry. And in his famous hierarchy of needs, psychologist Abraham Maslow included belonging as one of the significant factors that motivate human behaviour, after physiological needs (like food and shelter) and safety needs (like health and wellness).
However, as much as we might want or need belonging, it’s also very common to sometimes feel lonely or as if we haven’t found our tribe.
So, if you’re feeling somewhat out of place and wondering where to turn, we’ve teamed up with Pegasus Homes to bring you six ways to find a sense of belonging in later life.
Pegasus Homes builds and manages beautiful later-living communities for people over 60 across England. Each development is well-located within walking distance of public transport links and aims to provide high-quality living without the stresses and burdens of traditional home-owning.
Want to find out more about Pegasus Homes?
What is belonging, and why is it important?
What does it mean to belong? This can be a complicated question, and everybody’s answer will be slightly different.
Yet, belonging generally involves being accepted, supported, and trusted by members of a community (or communities) – and vice versa. These communities include anything from a family or friend circle to a sports team, workplace, or religious group.
Whether or not we feel a sense of belonging can affect our health and happiness in various ways. For example, research has associated belonging with increased motivation (such as in the workplace), as well as improved resilience, mental wellbeing, and even physical health.
6 ways to find a sense of belonging in later life
1. Be your authentic self
Finding a sense of belonging starts with self-acceptance and being true to ourselves. This is because ‘belonging’ isn’t just about ‘fitting in’.
‘Fitting in’ and ‘belonging’ are terms often used interchangeably. But they are very different. ‘Fitting in’ means appearing to belong, and often involves adapting yourself to match others. On the other hand, ‘belonging’ is above feeling like you’re part of a group, and doesn’t require you to change who you are.
Sometimes, our yearning to belong is so powerful that it can cause us to join groups or communities that aren’t truly right for us – for example, those that don’t share our interests or values. We might try to alter how we come across or pretend to believe or be interested in things that we aren’t.
Unfortunately, this can lead to further feelings of not belonging. As writer Toko-pa Turner describes it, when we give the false impression of belonging, “the soul becomes restless”.
It’s worth bearing in mind that by not compromising on who we are, it might take longer to find a group or community that’s right for us. However, when we do, we’ll more likely feel as if we really belong. The key is to be patient and true to yourself.
2. Consider your living situation
From a brief hello to your neighbour over the garden fence to that warm, fuzzy feeling we get when we walk down the high street in a town we call home, the community we live in can play a big part in our sense of belonging. And this is no less important in later life, especially after retirement.
When we’re working, especially in a job that we enjoy and value, we often develop a camaraderie with our colleagues because we’re united by a shared purpose and identity. As a result, we can gain a great sense of community from our careers. So, as we move into retirement, it’s common to feel untethered.
This is when the community we live in becomes more important than ever. Living in a place where it’s tough to meet and engage with like-minded people can leave us feeling like we don’t belong.
With this in mind, although it’s a big step and won’t be for everyone, changing our living situation can make a difference. This might involve moving closer to family or relocating to a less isolated area. At some stage, you could also consider moving to a later living community – like those offered by Pegasus Homes.
Later-living communities can be great options if you’re looking for somewhere to foster a sense of belonging. They offer ready-made communities of similarly-aged people who share similar life experiences.
To help residents make and strengthen connections, Pegasus Homes runs vibrant calendars of events and activities in their communities – from guest talks and fitness classes to local trips and coffee mornings. Plus, their comfortable communal spaces (such as welcoming lounges and landscaped gardens) provide great venues to socialise with loved ones and neighbours.
Want to find out more about Pegasus Homes?
3. Volunteer for a cause that’s close to your heart
Volunteering is a great way to find a sense of belonging. Just as in the workplace, it can give us the chance to work with others towards a shared goal and meet people with similar values and interests. Plus, doing something positive for our communities can help us feel more connected to them.
For example, if you’re passionate about protecting nature, you could join a litter-picking group or give your time to a conservation charity, where other volunteers will likely share your love of the environment. On the other hand, if compassion is one of your core values, you could volunteer as a befriender to provide friendship to elderly, disabled, and isolated people.
4. Share your passions and interests
Letting the people around you know who you are is another key part of finding a sense of belonging. Seeking belonging is an active process, and by making your passions and interests known to others, you’ll likely attract like-minded people and start building a community.
This could be as simple as asking a friend or family member to share in a hobby you’re particularly passionate about. For example, if you enjoy hiking but usually go alone, why not invite someone to your next trip? If you love reading, you could try asking a fellow bookworm for recommendations or sharing your favourite titles with them.
Another way you can share your passions and interests with others is through social media. What we post on our social media profiles can tell others a lot about us, so why not share things that express this?
For example, if you’re interested in football, you could share some exciting transfer news you’ve just heard about or simply let people know when you’re watching the game. Alternatively, if you’re passionate about a particular social issue, you could share material on the subject. You never know, it could spark an interesting discussion.
However, it’s worth mentioning that while social media can be a helpful tool for bringing people together, it can also be easy for us to start comparing our lives to those we see online.
Although tricky, it’s important to try to avoid comparing yourself to others and remember that social media profiles are curated and don’t always reflect real life. Comparing yourself to unrealistic representations of people can sometimes lead to lower self-esteem and move us away from the sense of belonging we seek.
5. Get involved with a club
Joining clubs or groups can introduce you to like-minded people with similar interests, give you regular meetings to look forward to, and help you build strong connections with others over time.
Clubs are wide-ranging, from general social groups like lunch clubs to activity-based ones like dance groups and Men’s Sheds (local spaces where people gather for activities like woodwork and pottery).
Even if you think your interests are a little out there, there’s a club for almost anything, whether online or locally. Just search through Google or Facebook, or check out your local community noticeboard. And if you still can’t find one that sounds right, why not start your own?
You could also try something completely new. This could be something you’ve always wanted to do or have never even heard of before, but sounds appealing. Many clubs run taster sessions, where you can meet members and get an idea of what the group is about before committing.
By remaining open-minded and stepping outside of your comfort zone, you’ll get the opportunity to meet all sorts of new people who you might never have crossed paths with otherwise. And sometimes, our sense of belonging can come along when we least expect it – among people we never expected to click so well with.
However, it’s worth mentioning that sharing a similar interest with a group of people doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll find a sense of belonging among them. But joining clubs is an enjoyable way to increase your chances of finding people with whom you share more than just a hobby.
At Pegasus Homes, residents can get involved with various activities and interest groups organised by the on-site teams – from film nights and yoga classes to gardening clubs.
Want to find out more about Pegasus Homes?
6. Practise acceptance
Too often, people focus on what divides us instead of what brings us together, and if you’re looking for a sense of belonging, it’s best to avoid this kind of thinking.
Try to look for things you have in common with people instead of getting bogged down in what makes you different – everyone is unique, and that’s what makes the world so interesting. The best communities are built from commonality, but also diversity.
It’s important to remember that agreement and acceptance are different things, and when it comes to belonging, acceptance often matters more than agreement. You might not agree with someone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t accept them.
For instance, if you disagree with someone on political matters or they don’t share your religious beliefs, this doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t find a sense of belonging with them. You might have other important things in common, like similar core values and passions. This also goes for the people already in your life, not just new ones.
Final thoughts…
While actively seeking out like-minded people, making lifestyle changes, and keeping an open mind are all great ways to find a sense of community and belonging, the most important thing is to be kind to yourself.
It’s perfectly normal to feel lonely and out of place sometimes, and it helps to recognise that you won’t necessarily feel this way forever.
If your feelings of loneliness persist and continue to affect your mental health, it might be worth contacting your GP, who can talk you through any help that might be available.
Or, if you need somewhere to turn quickly, you can contact Samaritans or The Silver Line, who are there 24/7 to support people who could use a listening ear.
And remember that just because you feel lonely, it doesn’t mean you are alone. While it can feel uncomfortable, try to reach out to the people around you and believe that things will get better with a little time and perseverance.
Have you recently found a sense of belonging? Do you have any additional tips to help others find one, too? We’d be interested to hear from you in the comments below.