Letting go of the past can be challenging. Perhaps you’re struggling with particularly painful memories or are finding it difficult to come to terms with a decision you made.
However, taking steps to accept your feelings, process emotions, and move on from past hurts is one of the best things you can do for your quality of life and overall wellbeing.
Here, we’ll explore nine ways to let go of the past and move on.
Why is it difficult to let go of the past?
What we experience in life shapes us. Some people naturally find it easier to move on after having a difficult experience, while others may find their past has a lasting impact on their mental health.
According to experts, struggling to let go of specific events from the past may be a sign of trauma. Trauma is a kind of psychological wound that can occur after a distressing experience, such as loss, danger, or deep embarrassment. While often associated with violent events, trauma can affect anyone and significantly impact how you think and perceive the world around you.
For example, people who’ve experienced trauma may experience rumination or a tendency to overthink excessively. This can make it more difficult to problem-solve, enjoy life, and prevent people from moving on. These things are common symptoms of several mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Other reasons people may struggle to let go of the past include reminiscing over or longing for previous positive experiences, and living in the past due to an unconscious attempt to avoid being hurt in the future.
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9 ways to let go of the past and move on
If you’re struggling to let go of the past and move on, there are several things that can help. We’ll cover some of these below.
1. Make a formal commitment to let go
The first step towards letting go of the past is to acknowledge and accept that it’s necessary. Recognising this need can help inspire and empower you to make changes that are needed in your life.
If you’re struggling to commit to letting go, it can be helpful to remind yourself of the benefits of moving on – including the potential for personal growth and not being held back.
2. Be kind and patient with yourself
Moving on from past hurts and traumas isn’t usually a quick or straightforward process. It can take time, patience, and a willingness to weather the storm through more difficult periods.
For this reason, it’s important to practise self-compassion. Alongside self-care, introducing relaxation techniques into your daily routine can be helpful. For example, mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga.
Rest Less Events has several relaxation events, including Tai Chi and mental fitness flow, if you’d like to get started.
3. Try journaling
Journaling can be a powerful way to work through and process difficult emotions. Many people find that writing their feelings down helps them reflect and see the past from a clearer perspective, while serving as an effective emotional release.
Journaling can also provide a helpful outlet, helping you to look forward and get motivated by setting goals. Check out our article, The power of journaling as a life habit, if you’d like to get started. You might also find some of these 25 journal prompts for healing through words, from Sarah Cannata, useful.
4. Practise forgiveness
If you’re struggling to let go of the past as a result of someone else’s actions, it’s important to remember that ultimate freedom is found in forgiveness. As American author Marianne Williamson famously said, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Forgiveness can feel difficult – particularly if the person who caused you pain doesn’t necessarily deserve it, or even apologise – but doing so is key to moving on.
Some people find it useful to write a letter to the person who hurt them. Whether you send it or not, writing down what you want to say can be a way to let go of any anger or resentment.
5. Motivate yourself with positive affirmations
The way we talk to ourselves can be the difference between moving forward and remaining stuck in the past. For example, negative self-talk has been shown to reinforce negative thought patterns, reduce motivation, and impact mental wellbeing – making it more difficult to move on.
Meanwhile, positive self-talk – for example, through positive affirmations – can lead to a sense of empowerment and help shift focus from past regrets to a positive future.
For example, simple affirmations like “The past is the past, and my past doesn’t predict my future” can make all the difference. Check out these 65 powerful healing affirmations for letting go from Self Care Lifestyle for more ideas.
6. Identify your triggers and create a physical distance where necessary
When making an effort to move on from the past, taking time to understand your triggers can be useful. Triggers are anything that reminds you of or draws you back to the past. For example, music often reminds us of certain times in our lives. Being aware of your triggers can help you feel more prepared to manage them.
Sometimes, creating a physical distance between yourself and the person, thing, or situation that caused you hurt can be helpful.
This might mean getting rid of certain items or limiting contact with a person or certain areas.
7. Reconnect with past hobbies and passions
Experiencing trauma or difficult situations in life can sometimes cause us to disconnect with things that used to bring us joy. If this is the case, making a conscious effort to take up previous hobbies and passions, such as art, sports, or meaningful relationships, can help boost personal happiness, confidence, and reconnect with the person you were before.
8. Build a support network
When working through anything difficult in life, having a strong support network is key. For example, being able to rely on others to listen to you, help you stick to your goals, and recognise signs that you’re struggling can be invaluable.
Examples of support networks include family, friends, and peer support groups. Many people find connecting with others who have shared experiences to be particularly valuable. Mental health charity Mind has guidance on how to find support groups for a range of trauma needs – from sexual abuse to mental health conditions like PTSD.
9. Consider seeking professional help
If past experiences are impacting your life and you’re struggling to create lasting changes on your own, it might be worth seeking professional help.
The most common form of treatment for working through past trauma is talking therapies, for example, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). This is based on the concept that unhelpful and unrealistic thoughts lead to negative behaviour. It can be used to help people overcome deep-rooted beliefs, such as that their past defines their future.
If you feel you’d benefit from talking therapies, you can ask your GP to refer you to a service, or refer yourself directly to NHS talking therapies, if you’d prefer.
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Final thoughts...
Letting go of the past can feel difficult, particularly if you’ve had a traumatic experience. However, taking steps to make peace with the past and move on is one of the best things you can do for your mental health, your future, and overall wellbeing. Luckily, several things can help make it that little bit easier.
For further reading, head over to our healthy mind section. Here, you’ll find information on everything from counselling and therapy to self-care.
Do you struggle with letting go of the past? Do you have any other tips that you’d like to share? We’d be interested to hear from you in the comments below.
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