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As we reach our 50s and 60s, many of us start thinking about how we can give our loved ones the care they deserve if they fall ill.
Caring for somebody can be a huge undertaking, one we shouldn’t have to shoulder alone. And, thankfully, organisations like Marie Curie are here to help.
Marie Curie is the UK’s leading end-of-life charity. They offer care and support to anyone with an illness they’re likely to die from and those close to them. Marie Curie Nurses and healthcare professionals bring 75 years of experience and leading research to the care they provide at home, in their hospices, and over the phone.
Fifty-four-year-old Sharon Evans found out first-hand how valuable support from Marie Curie can be when they provided at-home hospice care for her father, Raymond. Below, Sharon shares her story and explains why she included a gift in her will to the charity.
Sharon and Raymond’s story
Raymond was diagnosed with bowel cancer at 74. Although doctors caught it early and he went into remission, sadly, it returned when he was 95, leading to a hospital admission.
“He deteriorated badly whilst he was in hospital,” charity worker Sharon says, and when Raymond was finally ready for release, he had a prognosis of two weeks. “There was no care plan,” she says.
Already unhappy with the hospital’s treatment of her father, Sharon arrived to find Raymond in the waiting room sitting in a wheelchair in his pyjamas.
“He had no teeth in his mouth because they’d lost his false teeth,” Sharon says. “I said, ‘What do I do?’ The receptionist just told me to get a new set. I said, ‘He’s dying. You’ve put that on your discharge form. How am I going to get a dentist to him? He’s struggling to eat.’”
Before now, Raymond had been living on his own. But after he was discharged from the hospital, Sharon wanted to make a change. “I said: ‘Dad, you’re not going in a care home […] You’re coming to me and I’m going to look after you.’ And that’s what I did.”
A few months later, Raymond was readmitted to hospital and, again, discharged with a prognosis of just a few weeks. Only, this time, doctors said he might have prostate cancer too. But Sharon says she still didn’t receive any help with formulating a care plan.
“I had nothing,” she says. “I didn’t even have a hospital bed at that time. I was exhausted, and I’d had a hysterectomy the previous year and was still having a few problems.”
Eventually, Sharon managed to organise care for Raymond through the hospital, but it wasn’t long until his GP, who Sharon describes as “excellent”, suggested they get in touch with Marie Curie.
“It was a huge relief when Marie Curie first arrived”
Initially, Sharon had her reservations about Marie Curie. As she explains, enlisting the help of an end-of-life charity seemed to be accepting the fact that her father was dying. However, the GP reminded her that Raymond wasn’t going to get better and needed proper care – and that Marie Curie could offer her emotional support too.
Less than 24 hours after Raymond’s GP reached out, Marie Curie staff knocked on Sharon’s door. “It was a huge relief when [they] first arrived,” she says. “Literally, the lady walked in, asked a few questions about Dad, and then said to me, ‘Look, I’m here, so you can go and rest.’
“She was amazing. She had all the contact numbers for the district nurses [and the] GP. For me, it was like […] I suddenly had a permanent support unit. A huge weight had instantly been taken off my shoulders. I relied on them so much. I needed them. I couldn’t have done it otherwise.”
“It was scary [...] but the fact that Marie Curie took the time to explain what was happening really helped”
Over the coming months, Marie Curie’s team provided Raymond with care and comfort in various ways – from monitoring his condition to acting as companions.
Sharon says, “When the hospice at-home team [first arrived], my dad was very alert. He would spend his nights speaking to them, telling them about his past. He was in the Second World War and he’d been an RAF pilot.”
However, it wasn’t just Raymond that Marie Curie staff supported, but Sharon too. For example, they helped her successfully apply for NHS Continuing Healthcare (NHS CHC) funding and organised daytime care for Raymond to give her some relief.
As Sharon explains, having experienced Marie Curie nurses to offer reassurance at tough times was invaluable.
“Gradually, Dad started to become unresponsive,” she says. “He couldn’t swallow and his eyes were permanently closed. [But] Marie Curie explained everything that was going on with him to me, […] and that everything happening to him was actually normal.
“It was scary […] but the fact that [they] took the time to explain what was happening really helped […] Marie Curie were angels I couldn’t have done it without them.”
“I know what a difference Marie Curie made to my dad’s passing and I am so grateful”
Sadly, Raymond passed away on Friday the 18th of June 2021, a day after his 96th birthday. As Sharon explains, he was peaceful, and she was holding his hand until his final breath – after which she phoned Marie Curie.
She says, “They were lovely. They said, ‘Okay, okay. That’s fine. You know he was peaceful. He was cared for. You were there. We’re going to call the GP to come out to verify his death. There’s no rush, you can just stay with Dad.’
“I know what a difference Marie Curie made to my dad’s passing and I am so grateful. He was such a lovely man and he deserved it […] My mum died when I was 11, so my dad was my world. Technically, he was my mum and dad, and he was an amazing father.”
Sharon was so touched by the services she and her father received from Marie Curie that she decided to include the charity in her will.
She continues, “My father left me a bit of money as well, so we bought this house outright with no mortgage. I decided that, when the last one of us dies, this house would be divided between [the] charities that are close to my heart: Marie Curie and Cancer Research UK would get half each.
“My children are in support of that as well. You can’t put a price on what Marie Curie did for me and my dad. They came in at such a bad time in my life, picked up the pieces within hours, and remained there throughout – right to the end.
“I consider myself really lucky and the gift in my will is me wanting to pay Marie Curie back. My father would have wanted me to do it as well.”
Thankfully, Raymond and Sharon both received help during one of the toughest moments of their lives – but, sadly, not everyone is so fortunate. As Marie Curie tells us, every five minutes, someone in the UK dies without the support they need and deserve.
However, leaving a gift in your Will to Marie Curie could help give a better end of life to more people like Raymond and help support their loved ones. Find out how you can include one with Marie Curie’s free Wills guide.