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Some children want to be astronauts, while others dream of becoming actors, firefighters, or doctors. But 55-year-old Emma Sparre-Slater has always had her sights set on a career as a funeral director.
Growing up as the daughter of a clergyman in the countryside of Hampshire, Emma looks back fondly on her younger years. Though, she can’t quite pick out what first sparked her interest in this unconventional profession…
“It sounds strange but I just knew that it was something that I wanted to do,” Emma explains. “I’m the youngest of seven children. None of my brothers and sisters showed any interest in this sort of thing. But I suppose I was aware of the work my father did so I knew that people died and funerals happened – even though I didn’t attend any as a child. I just thought that looking after people when they died was a worthwhile thing to do.”
So, when the first opportunity to join the funeral care industry presented itself in her early 20s, Emma jumped at it and hasn’t looked back since.
After more than 30 years of working with Dignity Funerals, we sat down with her to talk about her time in the funeral care industry…
“It felt so completely right to be doing something of value that makes a difference”
Emma says, “When I was younger, there weren’t large funeral companies. They were typically family businesses and you were either born into the industry or you could marry into it. So although I always knew what profession I wanted to do, I wasn’t entirely sure how I could get there.”
As a lover of literature and entertainment, a teenage Emma decided to write to the BBC’s publishing department to see if they had any vacancies, which lead to her securing a job as a filing clerk. After working for a time in various departments under the BBC umbrella, she eventually landed in the costume department, where she stayed for a number of years.
Emma tells us, “I loved working in the costume department. But one day I was at work and the phone rang. It was my father and he said, ‘I’ve been talking to your mother and she says that you’re still talking about being a funeral director.’ I told him that I was, so he said, ‘Okay, leave it with me. I’ll have a word with somebody I know.’
“He ended up speaking to a family friend who ran a firm of funeral directors. My father asked if he had any advice for me on how to get into the profession and his friend said, ‘Well, it’s a big change of career, so tell her to take some leave and come and spend some time with me.’”
That’s exactly what Emma did – and immediately upon starting her work experience with the funeral director in Salisbury, she discovered that her childhood intuition was correct…
She says, “Instantly, I felt like this was what I wanted to be doing. It felt so completely right to be doing something of value that makes a difference. You know, helping people to deal with something that’s outside of their control.
“If death had a form, I think it would be the kindest, most gentle person that the person who’s dying could imagine”
Emma tells us, “I remember being very conscious when I was first being shown how to make up a coffin. As they were taking me through the ins and outs of it, I was asked if I’d ever seen a deceased person. And I thought, ‘Actually, no I haven’t.’
“I remember thinking that this could make all the difference; this might not go well and I might not react appropriately. But, when I eventually saw a deceased person for the first time, I remember simply being struck by how absent life was.
“There’s something about someone who’s deceased that can’t be replicated by someone who’s alive. So even when you see actors playing dead in films or on television, it’s not the same. No, there’s something else missing and I don’t know what that is. People of faith might say that it’s a soul or spirit.”
For Emma, her first encounter with the deceased was not frightening but somewhat reassuring…
“I remember being struck by the feeling that the person who had died was completely alright. People have this notion that death is going to be a sinister, hooded figure with a scythe, but I’m not so sure. I understand that someone’s last weeks, months, or moments of life may be difficult, but I like to think that if death had a form, it would be the kindest, most gentle person that the person who’s dying could imagine – and that death would be a release from pain, fear, or harm.”
“For most people, if you haven’t worked in the business before, the easiest ways to get into the funeral industry are as a funeral arranger or funeral service operative”
After her time in Salisbury, Emma wrote to a number of funeral homes in the London area and was offered a place at Francis Chappell & Sons, which is owned by Dignity. Living above the funeral home in Lewisham, she worked first as a funeral arranger…
Emma says, “For most people, if you haven’t worked in the business before, the easiest ways to get into the funeral industry are as a funeral arranger or funeral service operative. This is because you can go into each of these roles with no prior knowledge, and you’re trained on the job.”
Funeral arrangers usually work in funeral homes and often serve as the first point of contact for individuals or families who’ve just had a loved one die. They’ll meet them, establish their needs, and get the plans for the funeral underway.
Funeral service operatives, on the other hand, serve a slightly different role. They’re responsible for lots of the practical work, both ceremonial and behind the scenes. For example, funeral service operators drive the hearses, limousines, and private ambulances. They also typically prepare coffins, assist mortuary staff, and carry coffins on the day of the funeral.
With her sights still set on funeral directing, Emma worked as a funeral arranger while taking evening classes to get her directing diploma. And when she finally received it at age 28, she was offered her dream job…
She explains, “Although you might not be the first person that the family meets with, that might be the funeral arranger or a member of our private ambulance team, as the funeral director, you’re involved from the beginning and you have an overarching responsibility to make sure that the arrangements are carried out in line with the family’s wishes.
“You’re also there on the day to deal with any unforeseen circumstances and emergencies. It’s the funeral director’s job to make sure that the family and wider members of the congregation can be very present in saying goodbye to someone that they care about.”
“After all this time in the industry, it was exciting that there were still things for me to learn”
Emma has been with Dignity Funerals for 30 years and has worn many hats since her days as a funeral director. As she’s worked her way “up the management tree”, as she puts it, she’s been a senior funeral director, business manager, community manager, and, for a time, she was even the Dignity Funerals training officer for South London and Northern Ireland.
Now, however, she’s taken a more behind-the-scenes role as a service delivery lead…
“My role title doesn’t necessarily tell anyone what I do,” Emma says. “But essentially I run one of our mortuary sites. When someone dies, my team will go out in a private ambulance and bring that person onto our site where they’ll remain in our care until the funeral arrangements have been made.
As a back-of-house role, Emma’s new position is very different to those she’s held before. Though, she doesn’t see this as a challenge but as an opportunity.
“There was something about being in a role that was significantly different to the ones that I’d already had that was exciting. After all this time in the industry, it was exciting that there were still things for me to learn. I always say to new members of staff that you’ll never know it all in this line of work.”
“It’s my job to treat these people as if they were my own personal loved ones, and it’s a privilege”
Although Emma explains that the industry is perfect for all kinds of people and perspectives, she acknowledges that there are a few qualities that make a good funeral care worker…
Emma says, “To be successful in this line of work, you need to be somebody who can remain calm even when situations are difficult. And because we’re dealing with people in what may be the most difficult time in their lives, you need to be patient, empathetic, kind, and caring.
“However, you also need to be professional and reassuring. It’s quite an emotionally demanding job. But that’s why older adults can make good funeral care workers; life experience means that you may be able to connect with others more easily.
“It won’t be for everyone, though, and as we’re a 24-hour-a-day service, you’ll need to be prepared to work long and sometimes antisocial hours. We need to be available to our clients when they need us to be.”
However, despite the difficulties, Emma explains that there’s no other work she’d rather be doing…
“I think it’s such an honour to be involved at the end of someone’s life; that I’ve been the last person to see the face of someone that meant so much to so many people. And conversely, those who might have been forgotten, as we sometimes attend the funerals of those who don’t have anyone in their lives at the time they have died.
“It’s my job to treat these people as if they were my own personal loved ones, and it’s a huge privilege. I explain my role as being the family’s representative. We take over when the family are no longer in a position to continue the care of their loved one.
“After all this time, I’m still utterly in love with the industry. I have a huge sense of pride in what my team and I do to help people at their potentially most vulnerable.”
Emma’s plans are to work in the funeral care industry until she decides to retire – at which time, she’d like to move out of London and back to the countryside with her husband, Ian. When Emma’s not at work, she can be found reading a book, cuddling with her cat, or (as a member of an aerial circus skills school in South East London) hanging upside down on a trapeze!
Final thoughts from Emma…
Before we said goodbye, we asked Emma what her advice would be to anybody looking to get into the funeral care industry in later life…
“My advice would be to absolutely go for it because it can be the most rewarding job in the world. It isn’t for everyone but you’ll soon know if it’s for you. If you’re not sure, it’s worth visiting your local funeral directors to ask them some questions. For those who do decide to go for it, be prepared to experience the most rewarding job that you’ll ever do!”
From funeral service operatives to funeral arrangers, Dignity Funerals have a wide range of job vacancies available on our website from all across the UK. So if you’re interested in pursuing a career in the funeral care industry, why not see what’s out there?