Banner image: Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures
After a handful of standalone films, the two heavyweights of the Legendary Pictures Monsterverse faced off in 2021’s aptly named Godzilla vs Kong. And now, they’re back, joining forces to defeat an emerging threat from deep under the Earth’s surface.
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire picks up with its titular titans in very different places in their lives. Since their previous battle, Kong has been moping about in Hollow Earth (a subterranean monster realm in the planet’s bowels), tortured by a Superman-esque, last-of-his-kind existential despair.
Godzilla, on the other hand, is enjoying life as the Earth’s mightiest antihero on the surface above. When he isn’t napping in the Colosseum (the only landmark he seems to respect), everyone’s favourite mega-lizard spends his days fistfighting a variety of oversized bugs and reptiles – conflicts that invariably end with him blasting them to bits with his laser breath.
However, Godzilla starts acting strangely just as the franchise’s resident shady organisation, Monarch, picks up a peculiar reading coming from Hollow Earth. So, Dr Ilene Andrews (Rebecca Hall) leads an expedition underground to investigate – and she’s quickly convinced to bring along Bernie (Brian Tyree Henry), a conspiracy podcast host, and her adopted preteen daughter and Kong whisperer, Jia (Kaylee Hottle).
Also along for the ride is monster veterinarian Trapper (Dan Stevens), who receives an introduction (and subsequent development) so half-hearted that viewers new to the series might assume he’s joining us from the previous instalments – just like the other leads. But a quick scan of his IMDB credits will reveal otherwise. Clearly, the filmmakers decided that dressing like Magnum P.I. and speaking in an Australian accent constituted more than enough characterisation.
Of course, this is a monster movie, so we aren’t expecting riveting character arcs peppered with Aaron Sorkin-worthy dialogue. However, the treatment of Stevens’ character is symptomatic of a larger issue with the flick. Special effects and fight choreography aside, The New Empire does the absolute bare minimum – often cramming in cringy cliches like square pegs into round holes.
Take one scene where the team discovers a flattened Monarch outpost in Hollow Earth. Surveying the carnage, Dr Andrews mutters, “What could have done this?” – assumingly because that’s what people say when something like this happens in movieland. But given that they’re standing in a behemoth-riddled hellscape, you can’t help but think, Literally anything, Ilene. Anything could have done this.
Throughout the film, things happen with little relation to the events that come before or after – other than sheer coincidence. For example, early on, Kong emerges from Hollow Earth complaining about a toothache (literally). Luckily, Monarch has thought ahead about the big monkey’s oral health, and Trapper arrives in a flying contraption that seems specifically built for titan dentistry. After replacing the manky canine with a shiny new silver one, the plot goes on unaffected, and the whole absurd business is never mentioned again.
We aren’t missing the point. We know that lots of cinemagoers (many of them kids) are just looking for a smashing spectacle. But much of the lead-up to the climatic final clash is clumsy and unnecessary. In retrospect, the first hour and a half seems like a loose string of near-irrelevant events that will baffle even its youngest viewers. Once the credits rolled in my showing, I heard one young lad turn to his mate and say, “I don’t even know what just happened.”
Even the goofiness (inevitable in a film like this and best dealt with when embraced) goes a step too far. When Godzilla gets a power-up, one character utters, with total sincerity, that he’s “super-charging”. There’s also a mini Kong running around whose only role is to shriek whenever there’s any conflict (amusing at first, not so much an hour later). And, at one point, once they’ve made a begrudging alliance, Godzilla and Kong even give each other one of those upward head nods, like two macho lads from the set of Fast & Furious.
With all that said, the special effects are quite incredible (we’ve come a long way from rubber-suited actors clomping around miniature cityscapes), and the cinematography is often inventive and engaging. The monster fight scenes are also a highlight – particularly one between Godzilla and Kong at the Pyramids (though maybe not for anyone passionate about preserving cultural icons). Plus, Brian Tyree Henry is, as always, entertaining and does the best with what he’s given – even if the other leads seem a bit checked out.
All in all, The New Empire is a vivid mess that doesn’t want to play to its strengths. If you saw the promotional material and thought, Do we really need this? Then a watch will probably only confirm your suspicions.
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire lands in cinemas on the 29th of March 2024.