Creative writing submission from the Rest Less community – submit your entry here.
It is a truth universally acknowledged, and has to be one of the most famous opening lines in the world. Copied, altered, plagiarised and rewritten – those opening lines from Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice can conjure up anything you want them to be.
And so, when I was invited to the Press Night of Plied and Prejudice – the hit Aussie show which has now transferred to The Vaults, Waterloo (tickets bookable right up to July) – I was so excited. I love Jane Austen. Pride & Prejudice is my go-to relaxing book when I’ve been frightened to death by serial killer reads, or cried my eyes out after a very romantic weepie. I pick up Pride & Prejudice and just relax – it’s like a familiar and comforting friend.
I didn’t know what to expect. Sure, I had read the press release inviting me to the booziest of boozy balls at Mr Darcy’s Place, but I’d never taken part in immersive theatre before.
Armed with our free boozy drink – actually in a Plied and Prejudice mug – we queued (well, most of us are British!) and filed excitedly into the beautifully decorated angular tunnel room that is The Vaults. This was accompanied by bass and violin playing souped-up versions of Bridgerton/Regency type music. Some of us were dressed up, some of us weren’t. I would have loved to have worn my Regency outfit, but on the tube? Nah.
We had front row benches, and sitting next to us was the Australian bestie of Lizzie Bennett – well, of the cast member playing her, at least.
Just to remind you, Mr and Mrs Bennett have five daughters – Elizabeth, Jane, Lydia, Kitty and Mary. Since the last three are silly girls, they are played by three dresses hung onto a broomstick, with a three-voiced actor changing voices as he shunted up and down the broomstick.
It started reasonably authentic – Mrs Bennett and her nerves implored Mr Bennett to visit Netherfield, which had been let to Mr Bingley. And after Jane had been sent up to Netherfield ostensibly to catch a cold so that she could stay overnight, with Lizzie trudging three miles in the mud to join her, the matchmaking Mrs Bennett and the broomstick girls descended on Bingley and his snooty sister, and implored Mr Bingley to have a Ball. The amiable Bingley, best described as a lovable golden retriever who had fallen for Jane – and she with him – at first sight, was eager to please, and agreed.
The Netherfield Ball, with Bingley eager to bop with everyone whilst Darcy looked down his long nose and found nobody even tolerable, and – as we all know all too well – earning Lizzie’s undying ire.
Of course, the Bennett girls have to marry well because their home is entailed to Mr Collins, the cleric who brown-noses his patron Lady Catherine de Burgh so creepily.
And as cleric Collins slithered into the room, spitting as he spoke, he was hailed as a sex pest. And so, with the audience completely hyped up every time Mr Collins was mentioned, we all yelled “sex pest!” until the end of that scene. The rubber-legged Mr Collins ended up like a piece of flat-packed furniture lying on the harlequin tiles, and received a sitting ovation (we were all a bit too boozed-up to make it a standing one!)
At this point, we still had most of the chapters to get through, and with only twenty minutes to go, the whole cast began to play in double time. Galloping up and down The Vaults, hats flying, they changed characters. With only five cast members and at least twenty characters, it was hard for them to remember who they were meant to be as they slickly changed clothes, hats and voices, and almost impossible for the audience – but who cared? It was hysterical.
And, of course, we were all waiting for that infamous wet shirt scene. The Vaults doesn’t have a lake, and Darcy didn’t have a horse – but that didn’t stop him standing under a hose pipe and getting soaked to his white shirt for the hooting applause from all watching.
Lots of improv, tons of ad libbing, and not-so-muttered asides from the exhausted cast. But all true to the spirit of Austen. My goodness, they are so fit, literally running up and down The Vaults nonstop.
It’s very hard to pick out individual cast members – they all melded together like a family. But a special mention has to go to Mrs Bennett/Lady Catherine de Burgh, whose wonderful headdress and bustle almost stole the show. As for Mr Collins – words simply don’t do justice to the way he slithered and slimed his way across the floor.
I don’t think I have ever had such a hysterically uproarious boozy evening. I enjoyed every second and I’m still laughing days later.
It’s over 18s only – it’s very lewd and rude, noisy and boozy – and yes, I did buy a Mr Darcy T-shirt!
Are you feeling creative? We are proud to have a hugely talented community on Rest Less, which is why we’re so excited to open up a section of the site dedicated to showcasing the wonderful and diverse writing of our members. If you have a piece of creative writing that you’d like to share with the Rest Less community – you can do so here.