Creative writing submission from the Rest Less community – submit your entry here.
Last Saturday, I had the honour and pleasure of officiating at a friend’s wedding so after the legal bit, it was my job to give the happy couple a wedding blessing. Though not an official celebrant, it all started some years ago when my dear friends asked me to write and conduct for them a ‘HandFasting Ceremony’ at Sherborne Castle.
Since then I’ve found myself being asked to do four weddings, a naming ceremony for a baby, and two funerals (bizarrely for the same person, but we won’t go there). I always say I’m just waiting to be asked to do a bar mitzvah so that I can make the joke about being available for weddings, funerals, and bar mitzvahs (before anyone jumps on me, as I said, I am joking!).
Of course, an official celebrant must be licensed and I’m not but, actually, anyone can ask a friend to act in that role if no fees/charges are being made or exchanged, and I’m not pretending that’s what I am. In my case, I’ve always been asked to do what I have done for very close friends and they have always approached me, asking me to employ my writing skills so that everything said is applicable and uniquely personal, as I know all parties involved extremely well.
As I love writing and write poetry as well, I really enjoy using my knowledge of the individual, as well as my writing skills, to write something beautiful and give them something really special, which they can cherish on the day and going forward. I confess I also get a real kick out of the number of people who have approached me afterwards, thanked me for my words, and asked me for my card. I have to apologise and explain that I’m just a friend but it makes me feel good, in that I must have done a good job if they think I’m a professional.
Well, on Saturday, all the guests were seated, the registrar had done her bit, vows and rings had been exchanged, and the book had been signed. So, with the registrar leaving, it was my job to step forward.
Facing the bride and groom in front of the congregation, I began, using a quote about time from Khalil Gibran. But, just as I finished the first part, the tinkling of a phone alarm began to sing out, permeating the silence and taking over the space like a bad smell.
Impossible to ignore but worse, it was my phone and my alarm, designed to tell me that it was time to give my elderly Shiba, Arthur, his afternoon dementia pill. Since Arthur became afflicted with dementia at 15, my whole world has revolved around caring for him, keeping him happy and contented, and making sure I work around the times he needs his pills.
Of course, this had all been carefully choreographed with my good friend and neighbour taking over in my absence – but I’d forgotten to turn off my alarm. Appearing completely calm and in control on the outside, swan legs going frantically below the surface, I quickly considered my options. Ignore it and pretend it wasn’t happening, hope my friend wouldn’t realise, grab my bag and switch it off (no such luck), or fess up and turn it off myself.
As a teacher in a senior position for many years, dealing with the unexpected and taking control is simply in-built. As my speech had come to a natural pause, I turned to the congregation, put up a finger, and using a quote about “the best-laid plans of mice and men”, asked them to hang on a minute as the alarm they could hear trilling was in fact mine.
I apologised profusely but also told them about Arthur and explained why it was going off, hoping for their understanding. Nipping to the side, I quickly switched it off. I think I then made some comment about Arthur wanting to get in on the act and, smiling broadly, carried on as if nothing had happened.
Thankfully, the bride and groom as well as the entire congregation found it hilariously funny, whereas I was, in fact, mortified – but, I think, laughter over, I carried it off with no real damage done. It was a beautiful day in a lovely setting. The food, entertainment and ceremony (perhaps not my bit) were all wonderful and I was so glad to be there for them.
I did contact the bride and groom the following day to apologise again, but both having known Arthur for many years, they completely understood. They did genuinely find it very funny as, knowing me – always so particular about details – it should be me who had forgotten to turn my phone off. They too were convinced that it was Arthur’s way of getting in on the act as, in years past, he might well have been there with me.
When I got home, having let the dogs out, I sat on the sitting room carpet and told them both about my day and confessed to how I had embarrassed myself in front of so many people. Ila gave me kisses and Arthur snuggled into my arms so that my stresses simply melted away in a furry embrace.
Four days on, I too can find it funny and, thankfully, no real damage was done. It didn’t detract from what I had wanted to say and the sentiments expressed were still felt, so all in all I can put it behind me and just focus on what a lovely day it was.
So in the words of Robbie Burns: “The best-laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men. Gang aft agley.”
Are you feeling creative? We are proud to have a hugely talented community on Rest Less, which is why we’re so excited to open up a section of the site dedicated to showcasing the wonderful and diverse writing of our members. If you have a piece of creative writing that you’d like to share with the Rest Less community – you can do so here.