This article was written for Annabel & Grace, which is now part of Rest Less.
My husband and I have four children and, as our eldest is 38 years old, we have had many years of practising being parents. However it doesn’t get any easier or, maybe, we don’t get any better at it as time goes on.
Our children come and go and we try to maintain a welcoming, happy home for them and their friends at all times. However, for some reason, this week we found it quite hard saying goodbye to our youngest who was off travelling to India and it’s only for a month. He went to South America for six months and I didn’t mind nearly as much. Is it because the world seems to be a much angrier place or is it that we, as parents, are getting older and are more sensitised to time?
I know that going to India is no big deal however on arrival in India he sent me a What’sApp saying he wasn’t going to Kashmir, as planned, as there is a Foreign Office warning against going there because of the war between India and Pakistan. I guess I should be happy that he checked, finally, even though we had been telling him for some time that this war was happening. But what do 60 and 70 something parents know about world affairs?
I think Ibiza was the most exciting place I went to after leaving school and I doubt my parents knew how wild that was for an 18 year old, naive girl. However our children believe the world is there to be visited and they are right. They should travel to these far-flung places and enjoy these life experiences but let’s hope they know that there are parents at home worrying when they haven’t heard from them in 3 days. It is part of our DNA to imagine the worst has happened when probably they are just having such a good time we are forgotten.
I have some friends whose son is currently bicycling from Washington to Vancouver with another friend. He is writing a blog about his trip but when she asked if he would like a visit from the parents halfway through the trip, he gave a firm but kind negative reply. We should not invade their space as they learn to spread their wings but isn’t it so hard?
Personally I would like them all at home, wrapped in cotton wool, wearing hard hats and sitting on the sofa but of course that is an absurd fantasy. We give birth to our gorgeous babies and from that moment they start becoming their own person even if we believe they can’t survive without us.
If you have time do watch the film, Capernaum, translated onscreen as Chaos). It is a 2018 Lebanese drama film directed by Nadine Labaki. I think you can catch it on TV on Amazon or Apple TV.
The film stars Syrian refugee child actor Zain Al Rafeea as Zain El Hajj, a 12-year-old living in the slums of Beirut. The film is told in flashback format, focusing on Zain’s life, including his encounter with an Ethiopian immigrant Rahil and her infant son Yonas, and leading up to his attempt to sue his parents for child neglect.
The film debuted at the 2018 Cannes Film Festival, where it was selected to compete for the Palme d’Or and won the Jury Prize. The film received a 15-minute standing ovation following its premiere at Cannes on 17 May 2018. We watched it with our son just before he left for India and we were very moved by the story for so many reasons. We know this is what is happening in the world – this is the life of so many children – however we don’t really know. We can only begin to imagine the filth, abuse and evil and then we need to multiply it by thousands. In a way we do not want to believe that children live such deprived lives, often unloved by any adult.
So as I waved my youngest off to India I thought how lucky we are that we can feed, clothe, keep warm and most importantly love our children. We can encourage and support them as they spread their wings and maybe with their experiences they will be able to find a way to make the world a better place. Meanwhile we will continue to be a better parent.
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