Feeling great!

Had both my sons for a weekend and enjoyed a sunny day out in London. They were both on form and we had a great time – theatre and dinner. They are very grown up and make me so proud. Although, ironically, both have taken to wearing the same aftershave as EH (Ex Husband).  I am sure originally it was “borrowed” but now they wear it through choice, so now sitting between them I am surrounded by that familiar smell!

Eldest son has started – and is loving – a new job. The commute though has been proving difficult, so he has been up in London looking at flats to rent. I can’t believe I have just got him back and now he is moving away again. Luckily we have a great relationship and are constantly in touch.

The group of Scottish ladies I met in Turkey last year invited me to Edinburgh and after a night out, we caught a train to Berwick where we all stayed in a caravan on the coast. There were 9 of us in an 8 berth caravan so it was cosy to put it mildly. The weather was gorgeous – bright blue skies and sunshine – but with bitterly cold biting winds!

I was nicknamed the Southern Lightweight as I cannot keep up with them….I was the sensible one and always the first to go to bed! Anyhow, I shared a twin room with a lovely girl but, in the wee small hours when she came home, she was cold and crawled into bed – with me!! My bed was barely 2ft wide and I had my face pressed against the cardboard wall listening to someone in the next room snoring like a dragon! And I had a woman I had barely met pressed into my back! I lay there rigid and wide awake and wondered what the hell I was doing. However I did get to sleep and in the morning I could see the funny side.

There were coastal walks, a fair bit of alcohol and lots of messages from the internet dating site that I have rejoined in an effort to be more pro active. I chatted all weekend with Mr Nice Man who arranged to meet me the following Wednesday. I was excited about it  – he sounded funny and clever and interesting.

We lasses visited some seriously dodgy pubs but the music was good and we are an eclectic bunch that get on well – it was fun to let my hair down. My Scottish friends are such a strange mix – all strong and feisty and all with differing tales – some of alcohol and abuse, which make me think my life is really quite good. However, on Sunday morning I got a text from Mr Nice Man to say he has met someone for coffee and wants to see her again, so I got cancelled. What a bummer!

After catching a train back to Edinburgh and a flight home, I remembered I had four other dates lined up. The first, while not a disaster did not turn out to be brilliant. For a start, he was late – not good.  Who wants to leave a girl waiting on her own in a pub? And he was dressed as if he was going out to do gardening. I didn’t find him physically attractive and he didn’t make me laugh much, but on the plus side the conversation flowed freely enough. Ah well, I have three more in the diary to look forward to and am still in contact with Seamus who is keen to see me again.

I have cleared my tiny cottage garden and can’t wait to start planting it and making my mark out there now that spring is here. Life is good and so much is going on that I don’t have time to feel bad anymore. I can think about EH. I can think about the end of my fairytale but now my eyes don’t well with tears. I feel sad, but it is not the overwhelming grief that was there before and I can feel a strength that is growing.