The number of elderly people living with carers has increased in recent years. In fact, according to Carers UK, over 6.5 million people in the UK provide care at home.
There are many positives to caring for an elderly parent or relative at home, but it can also be an expensive and stressful adjustment. The transition of moving an elderly parent into your home will also affect any other members of the household, so it’s important to carefully consider the impact beforehand.
Here, we’ll cover some of the key considerations that can help you determine whether moving an elderly parent into your home is the right decision for you.
1. What type of care does your loved one need?
Considering your loved one’s needs – both physically and mentally – is an important first step in deciding whether they should move into your home.
For instance, if they’re reasonably healthy and fairly capable of independent living, the amount of care needed may be minimal. And, if you have children at home, it may allow them to spend some quality time with their grandparent.
However, if your loved one has greater care needs, it’s likely that you’ll be taking on significant day-to-day care duties. It’s important to think about your capacity to provide this level of care – we’ll discuss this in more detail below.
2. What are you able to provide?
It’s not unusual for families to want – or to feel obliged – to bring their elderly parents into their homes as their health declines. Caring for them is a way of returning some of the love and nurture that you may have received from them over the years.
However, it’s worth bearing in mind that this role reversal can be challenging to come to terms with. While there’ll undoubtedly be emotion involved, it’s important to be realistic about what the arrangement would look like for you both.
To begin with, it’s worth speaking with your parent’s GP about the type of care they’ll require – keeping in mind that this may increase over time. You’ll also need to consider your own schedule and limits, taking into account commitments such as work and children.
For example, it’s important to ask questions like: will you have the time and energy to administer care? Is there anyone else who can help share the load? Similarly, if your parent requires help with tasks like washing and dressing, are you happy to perform these duties?
Once you have a clearer understanding of what to expect, you’ll be better able to determine whether you can reasonably provide the care they need.
If your parent is living with dementia, it’s worth considering whether they may benefit from specialist care. Dementia can be a challenging and emotional condition to live with, so it’s important to ask whether this is something you can take on at home. For more information on this, you might like to read our article; 6 common challenges when caring for someone with dementia and how to handle them.
Becoming a carer can be challenging and lonely at times, so it’s key to have a good support network in place. For guidance, you may find it helpful to read our articles; 8 ways to look after yourself when caring for a relative and 7 tips for coping with stress and anxiety.
3. How would this move impact your relationship?
It can be useful to think about the nature of your relationship with your parent and how living together could impact its dynamic. Take a look at your history and ask yourself: could you happily live together? What will your relationship look like as their carer? Will it change?
If you tend to clash, living under the same roof may not be the best solution for you and your family. In this case, a live-in care service or a care home may be more appropriate.
However, there are also many positives that can come from caring for an elderly parent. Our article, 7 benefits of caring for your parents, discusses some of these and shares Helen’s story of becoming a full-time carer for her 81-year-old mother.
4. Is your home able to accommodate their needs?
Depending on your loved one’s mental and physical needs, your home may need some alterations. For tips on fall-proofing a home, you might find our article on the subject helpful.
Other common considerations include whether there’s space for wheelchair use, if the bathroom is accessible (for example, does your parent need grab bars?), and whether staircases are a concern.
If home renovations are required to accommodate your parent’s needs, is this something that you can afford? And would you be happy living with these renovations in the long term?
In some cases, especially where larger renovations are required, it can also be useful to consider whether opting for a care home might make it a smoother transition for everyone.
5. How would this move affect other members of your household?
Before moving a parent into your home, it’s important to think about how this will impact anyone else living under your roof. The flow of daily activities and tasks (such as using the kitchen, going to the bathroom, or watching TV) will be impacted when another person is added into the mix.
You might find it useful to ask questions like: do we have enough bathroom space to accommodate everyone? Will we all have space to relax in? Will we be able to carry on family life as usual?
To make sure that everyone’s feelings are accounted for, it’s worth discussing the change as a family. This will give everyone a chance to voice their opinions and any apprehensions or worries in a calm and open environment. At the end of the meeting, you’ll hopefully have a clearer idea of what things will look like and how people are feeling, which may prevent upsets down the road.
For more advice on this, you might find it helpful to read our article; 7 things to consider when talking to a loved one about care.
6. How will costs be worked out?
Having a family member move into your home can be expensive. Everyone’s financial circumstances will be different, but it’s important to think about how it’ll work financially, to reduce financial stress and to get everyone on the same page
You may agree that your parent will pay you rent or will pay for any home renovations needed. Alternatively, it might work better for you to combine your resources and move to a new property that’ll suit everyone’s needs, or call on other family members to contribute towards the cost of care.
As with everything, it’s best to get the budget sorted early to avoid any unnecessary stress or tension later on.
You can find more information about this on the paying for care section of our website.
Final thoughts…
Moving an elderly parent with care needs into your family home is not a decision to be taken lightly. From shifting relationship dynamics to changes to everyday life, becoming your parents’ carer and living together can be a big adjustment.
Being at the forefront of the decision-making process can also be tricky – particularly when family members’ feelings are on the line. Therefore, it’s important not to rush the process and to give careful consideration to the entire situation.
Caring for an elderly parent at home is the right decision for some people, but not for everyone. It’s entirely dependent on personal circumstances (such as living space, budget, and relationship dynamics) and care needs.
Remember, if it’s not the right move for you and the rest of your family, you shouldn’t feel guilty about that. In many cases, other services such as live-in carers and care homes are better suited to administer the care needed, and that’s okay.
You can find more information on the care section of our website, including articles like; 7 common types of care explained and Home care: the pros and cons.
What are your experiences of caring for an elderly relative? Are there any other important considerations? We’d be interested to hear about your experiences in the comments below.