We all want to do our best in life. For many of us, this simply means giving something our best shot, but for those with perfectionist tendencies, things can be more challenging and complex.
Perfectionism can have a significant impact on quality of life. In some cases, it can even prevent people from doing things due to fear of failing. However, the good news is that, with the right approach, it’s possible to overcome it.
Here, we’ll explore what perfectionism is, its causes, and ways to cope.
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a personality trait characterised by having extremely high standards and expectations. Perfection is, of course, impossible, and so those who strive for it can often feel like what they do is never good enough.
Some traits of perfectionism are similar to those of high achievers. For example, being motivated to succeed and having a good work ethic and strong attention to detail. However, while many high achievers can be satisfied knowing they did their best, perfectionists view anything less than perfection as a failure.
Extreme perfectionism can be unhealthy as, instead of being driven by a desire to succeed, people hold themselves to impossibly high standards and are more focused on avoiding failure. When taken too far, this can have negative outcomes – including procrastination, all-or-nothing thinking, comparison to others, and a tendency to avoid challenges.
Experts have identified three main types of perfectionism, which we’ll cover below.
Self-oriented perfectionism
Self-oriented perfectionists impose unrealistic expectations on themselves to be perfect. They’re often highly organised, conscientious, and set extremely high standards.
Self-oriented perfectionism is generally regarded as the most adaptive form of perfectionism, associated with greater success and productivity, as people are typically more assertive and resourceful.
Other-oriented perfectionism
Perfectionists who are other-oriented hold other people to high standards. As a result, have a tendency to be critical and judgemental.
Socially-prescribed perfectionism
Socially-prescribed perfectionists are often very self-critical and feel an intense pressure to perform well due to worry that others will reject them. These perceived external standards – whether from family, culture, society, or the workplace – can lead to anxiety and low self-esteem.
What are the traits of a perfectionist?
Wanting to achieve goals is healthy, but a desire to be perfect can be unhealthy and lead to problems. Some common signs of perfectionism include…
- Abandoning tasks if you feel you can’t complete them to the highest standard
- All-or-nothing thinking that causes you to view anything less than perfect as a failure
- Being highly critical, either of yourself or others due to setting unrealistic standards
- Procrastinating – for example, putting off starting a task due to fear that you won’t complete it perfectly
- Setting unachievable goals
- Focusing on results only
- Struggling to take on feedback
- Low self-esteem and confidence that’s based on performance only
Studies have also found that people with perfectionist tendencies may be more susceptible to mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
What can cause perfectionism?
The cause of perfectionism isn’t always clear. However, experts have identified several potential factors that may increase your likelihood of having perfectionist traits. We’ll cover these below.
Genetics
There’s some evidence that perfectionism sometimes runs in families. For example, this twin study noted the role of genetics and environmental factors in the development of perfectionist characteristics.
Childhood experiences
Studies have found that certain parenting styles, particularly those that place high amounts of pressure and expectation on children, may play a role in the development of perfectionism.
Other research has found that perfectionism often emerges as a coping mechanism in response to childhood trauma, as individuals work to gain a sense of control and security in their environment.
Environment
Some research suggests that environmental factors can contribute to perfectionism. This can include certain cultures, occupations, and social environments.
For example, social media has been linked with unhealthy perfectionism – particularly around body image; and studies have found that those studying particularly high-pressure degrees, such as law and medicine, may be especially prone to perfectionism.
However, it’s worth noting that, in some cases these factors may attract perfectionist people rather than being the cause of traits developing in the first place.
Mental health conditions
Studies have identified higher rates of perfectionism among people with mental health conditions associated with perfectionist tendencies – for example, eating disorders, anxiety disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
6 ways to overcome perfectionism
Perfectionism can be difficult to live with, but the good news is that there are steps you can take to help overcome it. We’ll cover these below.
1. Acknowledge perfectionist tendencies
Like any trial in life, the first step to overcoming perfectionism is to acknowledge it. Only when we take the time to recognise how something manifests in our thought patterns and behaviours can we take steps to manage it.
For help with identifying perfectionist behaviours, you might find Psychology Today’s perfectionism test useful.
2. Focus on the positives and celebrate your achievements
People who are perfectionists have a tendency to fixate on their mistakes. And, when you perceive anything less than perfect as a failure, it’s pretty easy for everything to quickly feel negative.
For this reason, making a conscious effort to celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, can go a long way. For example, even if you’re not completely satisfied with the outcome, it can be helpful to ask yourself: What positives can I take from the overall experience? And what did I learn along the way?
Some people find it useful to record these positives in a gratitude journal. Sometimes writing things down can help to cement them in your mind. For more tips, check out our articles; How to learn the skill of optimism and Why is it important to celebrate your achievements?
3. Allow yourself to make mistakes
We all make mistakes from time to time. Not only is this a normal (and important!) aspect of life, but it’s part of how we improve and grow as people. Being open to making mistakes can also open up opportunities to try new things that are outside of your comfort zone.
Reminding yourself of this can be helpful for overcoming the belief that making mistakes is equal to failing – and it can help to relieve a huge amount of pressure too.
4. Work on receiving feedback and criticism well
Becoming more comfortable with making mistakes goes hand-in-hand with being open to feedback and constructive criticism. Not only is this a key part of self-development, it often makes us easier to work alongside too.
If you struggle to take on feedback, try to view it as an opportunity for growth rather than an attack on your character or abilities.
Check out this guide to taking constructive criticism well from The Muse for further guidance.
5. Set realistic goals
Perfectionists have a tendency to set unrealistic goals, which only feeds the cycle of feeling like a failure when things don’t work out.
As a result, it can help to work on setting goals that are realistic. Often, working towards something that’s achievable can help to reduce stress, limit procrastination, and improve confidence in your abilities too.
For help setting realistic goals, check out our article; The benefits of deadlines and how to set them effectively.
6. Consider seeking professional help
If perfectionism is impacting your life and you’re struggling to create any lasting changes on your own, it might be worth seeking professional help. This can be particularly useful if you’re struggling with stress, anxiety, or depression as a result of perfectionism.
The most common form of treatment for perfectionism is talking therapies, for example, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). CBT is based on the concept that unhelpful and unrealistic thoughts lead to negative behaviour and it can be useful for helping people overcome deep-rooted beliefs, such as that mistakes are a sign of failure.
If you feel you’d benefit from talking therapies, you can either ask your GP to refer you to a service or refer yourself directly to NHS talking therapies.
Final thoughts...
When taken to extremes, perfectionism can significantly impact daily life and prevent people from trying new things. However, the good news is that, with the right approach, it’s possible to overcome it.
For further reading, head over to our healthy mind section. Here, you’ll find information on everything from boosting confidence and self-esteem to coping with grief and loss.