Are you truly in sync with your partner between the sheets? It’s not a shallow question. Couples that enjoy a high level of sexual compatibility generally enjoy happier, longer lasting relationships too.
Research suggests that this is especially important for women. Studies have found that women in sexually compatible relationships have more sex, and lower chances of depression, than those where the sex is out of step.
So, if you want to tell whether you’re compatible, why not try my quiz? You can take it with your partner and compare your answers, or just go through the questions alone. While it’s not scientific, it does address the most important factors in sexual compatibility.
Good luck!
Quiz – Are you sexually compatible with a partner?
1. When you met your partner, your first impression was…
A) Not Safe For Work. There was strong, immediate chemistry.
B) I liked their looks, and the passion grew over time.
C) I liked them, but I didn’t immediately fancy them.
2. When you hold your partner’s hand, you feel…
A) Like dragging them straight back to bed
B) Safe, warm, affectionate
C) It’s nice initially, but one or other of us usually lets go after a while
3. Describe your first kiss…
A) Passionate! It’s one of my favourite memories
B) Restrained but promising
C) Disappointing. We weren’t in sync
4. Your level of physical affection (like kissing, hugging, or casual stroking) outside of the bedroom is…
A) Near constant. One of us is usually touching the other
B) Moderate. Sometimes we’re affectionate, sometimes we’re not
C) Rare – we only touch during sex
5. How often do you both feel satisfied after sex?
A) Almost always. Or we’ll carry on until we do
B) Most of the time, but not consistently
C) Less than half the time
6. Who makes the first move to initiate kisses, hugs, and sex?
A) Both of us. There’s a natural, shared dynamic
B) One of us tends to initiate more, but it always works out OK
C) One person always initiates, and it creates tension
7. How open do you feel discussing your sexual fantasies or preferences?
A) It’s easy (and HOT) to talk about sex
B) We are very open, but we only discuss sex in the bedroom
C) We don’t talk about sex
8. You finished having sex 10 minutes ago. What are you doing now?
A) Snuggling up, talking, and generally basking in the afterglow
B) Drifting off to sleep
C) It’s like sex never happened. We’re falling asleep separately, scrolling through our phones, or getting dressed
9. When it comes to how often you have sex, you…
A) Have very similar drives. You rarely turn each other down
B) Sometimes have mismatched desires but usually find a compromise
C) Feel out of sync; one of us always wants sex more than the other
10. You hear about a new position, fantasy, technique or toy that sounds intriguingly erotic. What’s your next move?
A) I’d almost immediately tell my partner. It excites them to discover new ways to turn each other on
B) Experiment with it by myself before I tell my partner
C) Forget about it. I know they won’t be interested
11. When one of you isn’t in the mood, the other…
A) Would understand and be nice about it. But it hardly ever happens
B) Feels disappointed but doesn’t make a big deal out of it
C) Feels frustrated and/or rejected, which usually causes tension
12. The previous number of partners you’ve each had is…
A) Similar
B) Different
C) I don’t know. We don’t discuss things like that
13. When it comes to sexual health (like contraception, STI testing, and safe sex), you…
A) Can talk about it easily and openly
B) Talked about it in the beginning but not now
C) Avoid these conversations. They’re uncomfortable
14. Your partner suggests something in bed that you really don’t want to do. You say no, but you feel…
A) Accepted, loved, and comfortable
B) Slightly guilty or prudish
C) Guilty, unreasonable, or prudish
15. During sex, you communicate…
A) With words, sounds and body language. It’s easy and natural
B) Primarily through sounds or body language, but occasionally with words
C) We don’t communicate during sex, we rely on guesswork
16. How often do you feel emotionally connected during sex?
A) Most of the time. It feels very intimate and loving
B) Sometimes; other times it’s mainly lusty
C) Rarely. Sex is physical for us, not emotional
17. When it comes to experimenting with new sexual activities (like positions or locations), you both…
A) Are enthusiastic. We enjoy experimenting together
B) Occasionally try new things, but generally stick to the familiar
C) Avoid experimentation. We have a routine
18. If things didn’t quite go as planned during sex, what would happen?
A) We’d probably laugh it off or try something different. It wouldn’t be a big deal
B) We’d feel embarrassed but move past it
C) One of us would feel uncomfortable or frustrated, which would kill the mood
19. In terms of sexual and/or body confidence, you…
A) Feel secure and confident with each other
B) Each have some insecurities, but generally feel good together
C) Keep the lights off
20. How easy is it to discuss topics like exclusivity?
A) Easy. We have clear conversations and respect for each other’s boundaries.
B) We’ve talked about it but there are still some uncertainties.
C) We haven’t really addressed it, so there is still some confusion.
Are you sexually compatible? The results…
Now count up your number of answers for each letter.
Mostly A – highly compatible
You have a healthy respect for each other, mixed with a generous serving of lust. Because you’re both enthusiastic about the sexual side of your relationship, you make an effort to address any issues in a clear, open way.
You naturally boost each other’s confidence in bed, which makes it easy (and fun) to suggest new ideas without anyone feeling criticised. But, it’s important to make sure you work as hard on the rest of your relationship, so you can enjoy each other for as long as possible.
Mostly Bs – getting there
You’re genuinely into each other but haven’t fully opened up. One or both of you fears appearing vulnerable, so you’re sweeping things under the carpet before you roll around on top of it. That feels like a safe way of avoiding rejection, but it avoids real intimacy too.
Sex is much more fulfilling when it’s emotional, not just physical. So try taking some steps towards honest communication. For example, after sex, cuddle each other and talk about what you enjoyed most. Browse sex-toy websites together and discuss what you like, or start a “sexy suggestion box” in the bedroom where you can leave notes about your favourite fantasies or ideas.
Mostly C – out of sync
You might be having sex, but you’re not truly connecting. Something is keeping you apart – perhaps shyness, trauma, or an unhealthy power imbalance. Sex might feel pleasurable in the moment, but you might feel unloved afterwards, or even slightly used. At the very least, it’s not bringing you closer emotionally.
If you’re keen to continue the relationship, you might want to have a very deep, honest conversation with your partner, or look into counselling – together, or alone. Hopefully it’ll let you connect on every level.
Final thoughts…
Whatever your score is, it’s important to remember that every relationship is different; and that sex also means different things for different people.
Sex is more important for some than others, and it’s also not to say that because if sex with someone is unfulfilling at a particular point in time, that it can’t be worked on. Often, the most beneficial first step in doing so is to start by having honest and communication about each of your sexual needs and desires.
For more related content, you might want to check out our articles; 15 tips for a healthy and satisfying sex life and 7 ways to improve your sex life during and after menopause.
Did you find this sexual compatibility quiz helpful? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.