The good news about sex over 50 is you’ve probably learned what you love in bed. The bad news is, you might have fallen into the habit of repeating it over and over again. Couples often replay their favourite sexual routines like a highlights reel because it’s efficient – but what was hot in 2014 can leave you cold in 2024.
If you feel stuck in a rut and want to climb out, there are some simple things you can try right away. You don’t need to change your partner, you don’t even need to change your sheets – you can just change up your routine…
Below are 19 ways to spice up your sex life over 50 – but first, we’ll explain how to get the most out of our list.
How to use this list
There are different ways you can use this list to make it work best for you. You could…
- Read the suggestions with your partner and each pick a tip to try this week.
- Pick a random number between one and 20, and try that tip number now.
- Read the tips together and create a ‘Yes, No, Maybe’ list.
- Guess each other’s favourite tip.
- Copy and paste your favourite tip into a sexy text for your partner.
- Do away with all these suggestions and create a personalised list of your own.
Get playful
The more fun you have in bed, the more fun you’ll have in bed. Laughter is a great way to increase your connection because it lowers stress levels, making you more open to affection.
You can try adding playfulness to proceedings by trying out these suggestions…
1. Play a sex game
There are lots of ready-made sex games on the market. In fact, I’ve just created one. Try playing a game that deepens your connection by encouraging you to discuss your fantasies, try new positions, or act out dares.
If you don’t fancy buying a game, you could add a naughty twist to your usual hobbies by playing strip poker, chess, or even snap. Try cooking or watching TV in the nude. Spell out rude suggestions for your partner in fridge magnet letters. Or simply snog like teenagers through every advert break.
2. Start a suggestive suggestion box
Place a bowl or box by the bed next to a pad of paper and a pen. Whenever a sexy new idea springs to mind, write it down and slip it into the box. Then, regularly go through the box together and live out as many ideas as you like.
3. Act out your favourite sex scenes from TV, film, or literature
To make this especially erotic, commit to your role; use costumes, dialogue, and props to bring the original scene to life. Bonus points if you step into a character that’s very different from your everyday persona. Who is your sexy alter-ego?
4. Commit public displays of lust
Instead of saving all your tactile energy for the bedroom, you could try ‘micro-dosing’ affection all day, and touching every time you’re together. For example, holding hands, walking arm-in-arm, and sitting next to each other at a restaurant.
5. Talk dirty in public
Why not share a steamy fantasy over a latte or reminisce about your very first kiss while you’re on a long car journey? Talking about sexual things when you’re unable to act on them can create longing, which can be incredibly erotic.
6. Send a titillating text or a lusty voice note
We didn’t have the option to sext our partners when we were young. But we do now. Steamy messages are a flirty way to check in during the day, and let you be as low-key or full-throttle as you like.
Feeling demure? You could send a photo of your bed with the caption, “Wish you were here.” Feeling bold? Why not record and send a voice-note describing exactly how you want to be seduced tonight?
Equip yourself
Sex toys are great at any age, but especially over 50 when issues like erectile dysfunction, menopause, or prolapse can make sex more challenging. So, if you haven’t bought a toy for a while, consider treating yourself to a new model.
The toys you loved in your 20s might not hit the spot anymore. We lose blood flow to our bits with age, which can make them less sensitive to stimulation. So, chances are, you’ll need a strong, powerful toy, like one of these…
7. Try a clitoral suction toy
If it takes you longer than usual to climax through clitoral stimulation, try a clitoral suction toy. They use air and suction to tug directly onto the clitoris, mimicking the sensation of oral sex.
We recommend: Womanizer Next from Love Honey (£189.99). It’s quiet enough that nocturnal teenage kids or visiting in-laws won’t be horrified, but also powerful enough to create very strong stimulation.
8. Try a waterproof toy
Many modern toys are now 100% waterproof, meaning you can transform any bath or shower into an erotic hideaway. Using a toy underwater is gentle if you’re not as lubricated as you used to be.
We recommend: Lovehoney Health Bullet (£34.99). Quiet and tiny, but still scrape-me-off-the -ceiling powerful, this rechargeable bullet has six different speeds but will still look discreet in your medicine cabinet.
9. Try a multi-head toy
Want to try as many different sensations as possible? Try a sex toy that offers swappable attachments. These give you the freedom to experiment with G-spot, anal, or clitoral stimulation without breaking into your savings.
We recommend: Miele (LoveNotWar, £89.99). This waterproof, ballpoint vibrator has a small tip, meaning it’s easy to use during sex. It’s powerful, with deep, rumbly vibrations that can revive even the most exhausted erogenous zones. The rechargeable base can be used with different heads, like the G-Spot targeting Liebe (£49.99) or the larger Koi (£49.99). Also, all LoveNotWar toys are safe to use with silicone lube.
10. Invest in medical-grade lube
Our bits are more vulnerable to infection as we get older (she said, erotically) so consider using a medical-grade lubricant. Even gentle products like honey, coconut oil, or baby oil can be irritating to your genitals because they can alter your pH level.
I recommend: überlube (£16). Its glass bottle looks elegant on your bedside table, but it’s also recommended by gynaecologists because it contains just silicone and moisturising vitamin E. It’s safe to use with condoms and non-silicone toys, and even works underwater.
11. Try sex furniture
Thought your days of swinging from the chandeliers were over? In fact, they might be just beginning. Sex furniture – like swings and wedges – can do double-duty in bed by feeling frisky and erotic, but also providing support to aching knees, hips, and backs.
I recommend: Dominix Deluxe Inflatable Sex Position Wedge (Love Honey, £39.99). This small but mighty wedge can be slipped under hips or bums to give extra support, or just to change the angle of entry. It’s also inflatable, meaning you could take it away with you when you go for a sexy trip away.
Change when, where, and how you have sex
The easiest way to take your sex life off autopilot is to change your routine. Our brains love novelty, and doing new things floods us with feel-good dopamine. This is especially erotic in bed, because dopamine is one of the chemicals that builds feelings of attraction.
12. Have sex at a different time of day
If you’ve got into a routine of sex every Saturday night, try a Tuesday morning, Sunday lunch, or Monday afternoon. Or, get sexy in front of News at 10 or GMTV.
According to research, men’s and women’s sex drives are most in sync at 3pm in the afternoon. So, why not see if you agree?
13. Schedule sex
Spontaneity sounds sexy, but it can lead to you and your partner leaping on each other at inopportune moments, like when one of you is secretly hoping for a quiet night in front of the telly. So, you could try scheduling your sex sometimes instead.
Agree on a date and time, then add it to your shared calendar. Use the time leading up to the date for preparation, like making the bed with your silkiest sheets or buying spray cream, strawberries and a ‘Do not disturb’ sign.
This one might not work for everyone, as some people find that this makes things feel more forced – but it’s worth a try!
14. Have more quickies
Great sex doesn’t have to be slow and sensual. Fast and furious works too. Try following through on what would normally be a fleeting moment of affection and go all the way, whether you’re stacking the dishwasher, grabbing a drink for your guests, or leaving for work.
To make sure you’re both in the mood, you could ramp up your flirting and physical touch during the week to keep you both on a near-constant simmer.
15. Or try an all-night session
Try delaying sex for as long as you can, and invest a few hours in massage, kissing, foreplay, and oral sex first. Or try ‘edging’ – which means coming close to orgasm a few times, but stopping before you cross the finish line.
Edging encourages more blood to your genitals. When you do finally let go into orgasm, all that blood is released, which can create the sensation of an extra-powerful climax.
16. Location, location, location
Ban bedroom sex for a month and explore other venues. When was the last time you cuddled up in the guest room, utility room, or loft?
Have you ever jumped aboard your chest freezer or washing machine? How about your stairs? Every location in your house has erotic possibilities so start exploring.
Spice up your life
It’s trickier to have red-hot nights if you only have lukewarm days. So consider adding eroticism into your everyday life by using these ideas to create a hotter lifestyle.
17. Add more eroticism to your hobbies
Consider putting a sexy spin on your everyday interests. For example, if you love to read, then why not add a few sexy titles to your must-read pile?
If you listen to podcasts, you could try downloading some episodes that focus on sex or relationships, or listen to spoken-word erotic literature on your journey home.
18. Pay your partner a ‘rompliment’
A ‘rompliment’ is a compliment about romping. How often do you tell your partner how much you love touching them, or how amazing it feels when they touch you? When was the last time you complimented their body – specifically, how it looks, feels, and tastes during sex?
Well-chosen rompliments go a long way to boosting body confidence and can be a great warm-up for sex.
19. Exercise for better sex
Men who exercise have a lower likelihood of erectile dysfunction. And women who exercise for 35-50 minutes a day reported much higher satisfaction with their sex life than those who didn’t.
Exercising for your sex life is fun, motivating, and you can also do it together. For example, you could go for a walk together every evening, and use the time to talk about what you’d love to do in bed. Or try hot yoga at home. Or why not go to the gym together, and canoodle in the steam room afterwards?
Final thoughts…
Every sexual session doesn’t have to be world-shatteringly different, so please don’t feel panicky if you’ve been using the same techniques for 30 years.
We all have our favourite moves. But trying new things in bed now and then can make things more exciting. It’ll teach you things about your body, show you a different side of your partner (perhaps literally), and help bring you closer together. So get spicy. And have fun!
For further reading, why not check out the dating and relationships sections of our website?
Do you have any additional ideas on how to spice up your sex life? Or will you be trying any of these tips? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
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