Whether you’re 16 or 60, dating can be confusing. Although we know that daters over 50 have more dating confidence than younger singles, it’s still natural to worry, particularly after the first date.
Even if you think everything went well – they laughed at your jokes (and not at your hair), they seemed to enjoy your company and sounded positive about seeing you again – you might find that your brain starts over-analysing everything as soon as you’re alone.
If this sounds familiar, you’re certainly not alone. To calm your nerves, here are eight reliable signs that someone really likes you after the first date, and eight that don’t bode so well.
Note: If you’re prone to really worrying after dates to the extent that you find the whole process exhausting, you might have dating anxiety. This can be caused by previous relationship trauma or low self-esteem and is always worth discussing with a counsellor.
1. They text first (or respond rapidly)
Someone who enjoyed your first date won’t want the good vibes to fizzle out. They’ll try to keep the connection going by texting or messaging you quickly, often within the first 24 hours.
Forget the three-day rule. Since smartphones were invented, very few people wait 72 hours to get in touch after a first date. Someone who prefers to stay mysterious and chilled might wait 48 hours at a push, but that level of steely self-control is rare. Instead, expect to hear from them within a day. Or, if you’re the one who texts first, expect to receive a quick reply: within three or four hours.
I met my husband through online dating. I didn’t give him my mobile number before we met, so we only communicated through messages sent over the dating website. After our first date, he went home and immediately sent me a message through the site asking to see me again. Aww.
Good sign: They’ll probably text quickly and ask a question to initiate an exchange. Open-ended questions are the best sign because they signal a genuine desire to start a conversation. Something like, “Hope you got home safely. Do you think the bar-man has recovered from my karaoke yet?”
Not-so-good sign: Low-effort messages aren’t a reliable sign of interest, especially so early on in proceedings. Anything that sounds like it came from my teenage son – “Hey?”, “U up?”, “Can I have £10 for Uber?” – suggests they’re no longer keen to impress.
2. They start planning the second date
“I really enjoyed spending time with that person. Let me never do it again,” said nobody ever. I’d say the best signal that the first date went well is that there’s a second date in your calendar very soon.
Someone who likes you will be enthusiastic about seeing you again. And this enthusiasm won’t be vague. Tables will be booked, diaries will be opened, train timetables will be scrutinised, and tickets will be bought. You’ll feel a sense of forward motion. Even if you’re both busy and can’t meet up again immediately, you’ll be pencilled in at the least, and upgraded to ink ASAP.
Good sign: “I remember you said you like Indian food. Do you fancy trying that Indian buffet I mentioned next Saturday?”
Not-so-good sign: “We should totally do it again sometime!” Charming, but vague. Wait for something a little more specific before you start planning your outfit. I always recommend securing a day, a time and a venue before you trust that the date is going ahead.
3. They don’t disappear
Ghosting is one of the worst parts of modern dating. It’s when someone you liked, and who you thought liked you, just vanishes off the face of the earth, like a ghost. Let’s be transparent – also like a ghost! – people who like you won’t ghost you.
If someone has to leave town for a while or can’t use their phone for a couple of days, they’ll let you know beforehand. When we like someone, most of our actions are centred around avoiding looking disinterested.
Good sign: They text just to connect by sharing a meme, asking about your day, or recommending a show they think you’ll like.
Not-so-good sign: A random “How are u?” once every three days doesn’t bode well. If their messages sound like they were sent from a bored commuter, that’s probably what they were.
4. They ask personal questions
When someone’s interested in you, they are interested in you. They want to know your specific likes and dislikes, preferences and tastes, quirks and foibles. If you were a car, they’d be reading your manual and looking under your bonnet, not taking you for a quick test drive and then abandoning you in a lay-by.
Look for people who want to get to know you on a deeper level. People who ask follow-up questions, or watch a whole series of your favourite show just because it makes you laugh, are the ones most likely to go the distance.
On our first date, I told my husband that I’d written a book. By the time we met for our second date, he’d bought it and read it! Remember that if your prospective date doesn’t even watch the hilarious TikTok you sent them.
Good sign: I’m positive about people who ask thoughtful questions. “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet?” Questions like these are designed to learn more about you.
I’m also not talking about sexual questions. Anyone who asks you what your favourite position is before they even know your birthday is probably not thinking long-term. I’d ignore those questions unless you only want a fling.
Not-so-good sign: “Good morning, beautiful.” “Good night, angel.” Bookend texts with nothing in between are designed to keep you on hold, not to bring you closer.
5. They seem charmed by your life
Someone who likes you will try to work out where they fit into your life or to picture how you’ll spend time as a couple. They might not talk about it after the very first date, but they’ll have started thinking about it. Everything about you will strike them as alluring and exciting, and they’ll start imagining themselves in your world.
This is about the stage when they start dropping your name into conversation with everyone they know. You’ll be unaware of this, but their postman will already know your favourite colour, favourite drink, and your preference for deep-pan with anchovies.
Good sign: “I’ve listened to that Taylor Swift album you mentioned. You’re right – her lyrics are hilarious! This song is my favourite so far…”
Not-so-good sign: “It was Greece you went to last year, wasn’t it? No? Italy? Spain? Portugal? Oh – Bognor. Right.”
6. They compliment you
Some people try to hold back on compliments because they’re terrified of coming over as ragingly keen. So don’t be deflated if your current crush ticks every box on this list except this one. But, in general, loved-up daters try to send positive comments your way. They’ll either compliment you directly or pass on nice things other people have said. They might even tease you to try to make you laugh, but it won’t be cruel, just affectionate.
If you sense that someone is “negging” you (using negative comments to deflate your ego or put you in your place), run. This outdated practice was recommended by pick-up artists around 20 years ago. It’s designed to lower attractive people’s self-confidence to the level where they’ll hook up with anyone, and can also be a sign of narcissism.
Negging comments sound like: “I don’t usually go for redheads, but I’d make an exception for you.” Or, “You’re quite funny… for an accountant.” Smile, delete, and block.
Good sign: “You’re so easy to talk to—I really enjoy our conversations.” Specific, sincere, and meaningful.
Not-so-good sign: “You’re so sexy.” I’m sure you are, but we’re looking for signs that someone is interested in you outside the bedroom, too.
7. They share their own life
As well as being interested in your life, someone who’s keen will want to open up about their life, too. You’re always on their mind, so whenever something happens, they’ll be tempted to share it with you.
These can be tiny things (they finally managed to get through a self-checkout without the alarm going off, go them!) or huge (they have been thinking of going on a hiking tour of New Zealand; might you ever consider something like that?) but you’ll notice them coming up in conversation.
You’ll also sense a general feeling of inclusivity and welcoming. They’re open about their world.
Good sign: They open up about their family, hopes, or what keeps them awake at 3am besides that cat we just mentioned.
Not-so-good sign: Trauma-dumping everything from their ex’s issues to their struggles with IBS. Too much, too soon can signal unresolved baggage rather than genuine interest.
8. They give you a clear signal of interest
Lastly, they’ll say or do something sweet that reveals that they like you. Again, some people can be nervous about this for fear of scaring you away, but I’ve found that something usually slips out. For example…
- They went to lengths to impress you – perhaps by opening doors, offering to cover the bill, and walking you to the train station.
- They went in for a hug or kiss at the end of the date.
- They seem busy but still make time for a second date in the next week or so.
If you’re unsure whether something is a good sign, ask a friend who’s in a long-term relationship. They might recognise when someone is going the extra mile or even the extra centimetre.
Good sign: “I had a great time on our date and I’d love to see you again.” Boom! There it is. This is the sweetest of sweet signals and you can reliably trust it. No ambiguity, no guesswork.
Not reliable: “I’m not sure what I’m looking for right now.” “It’s complicated.” “I’ll get back to you.” “I’m hectic.” If they say something that sounds like they’re trying to wriggle out of a PTA meeting, I’d probably not delete my dating app quite yet.
Final thoughts…
You might not get all these signs from one person. But you should find yourself with a positive feeling, and not too many niggly little doubts.
Every dater is different, so try to look at the relationship – new as it is – as a whole. If you get confused, consider keeping a dating journal where you write everything down to get an overall sense of how things are going. And then, keep your fingers crossed for the second date. Good luck!