Sometimes the little green flags that suggest you may have found your match can be difficult to see. While red flags are louder and warn you, pretty quickly, to put the brakes on a relationship, the green flags of compatibility are subtler and can be missed.
Often, knowing whether or not someone is right for you is in small signs that show respect and shared values. Find these, and your date could morph into a significant other.
The green flags could be waving if…
1. They make an effort
If you meet online, this starts with the photos on their profile, which should be decent – and recent.
Their prompts should also intrigue you. Are they passionate about anything in particular? Do they like discovering new wines, visiting ancient ruins, or playing in a band? A hobby shows motivation, interest in the world, and a potentially engaging personality.
If, when you meet, they also look smart and are keen to impress, it might be worth ordering that second coffee!
2. They show interest
It seems obvious, but it’s worth mentioning that any potential partner should be interested in getting to know you. The first date should be a bit like ping-pong (only slower!) where you each ask about the other, share a mutual curiosity, and find subjects you both like to talk about.
Conversations don’t have to be too deep at this stage, but your date does need to contribute to the conversation and ask questions. And, if they crack a self-deprecating joke or two, you really could be on firm ground.
What shouldn’t happen – and could be a red flag – is that your companion spends the whole time talking about themselves. You deserve better.
3. They’re in the right frame of mind
Both you and your date need to be in a good place emotionally for a relationship to blossom. If, however, your date is still getting over a breakup, it could impinge on any new get-together. It doesn’t matter how engaging or how much of a Mr or Mrs Right you are if your partner simply isn’t ready to act on it.
A date who’s in a good place and has a positive relationship with themselves will be more likely to notice and appreciate all the wonderful things about you.
4. They’re kind to others
How your date behaves to those outside of your relationship is a big indicator of who they are as a person. It’s also an illustration of how they’ll behave inside the relationship.
The signs are tiny but significant: do they thank the busy waitress in the café or patronise them? Do they phone their elderly mother or just talk about doing it? Do they gossip about their friends or are they supportive and loyal? If they behave positively, it’s a sign you’re on to a winner.
5. They have a sense of humour
It doesn’t matter how seemingly perfect your date is – if you can’t have a laugh together, life could quickly become dull.
Being able to giggle at a situation helps to relieve tension, and is a great way of making the ups and downs of life easier to navigate.
6. They share the same values as you
Everyone’s needs and values are different, but having similar values is the bedrock of any relationship. While differing attitudes can make for a bumpy ride, sharing a similar belief system can encourage you to pull together and could be a big green flag.
Do they talk about their parents and friends with humour and generosity? Are they career-driven with clear goals for the future? Are they religious and, if so, does it matter to you?
7. They’re a clear communicator
Open and honest communication is the foundation of any relationship. Partnerships without it will be hard-pressed to survive.
When one person doesn’t open up about how they feel or what they want, this can cause frustration and disappointment. Even worse, if someone sulks or flat-out refuses to discuss things with you, this should have you running for the hills.
While genuine openness might take a while to achieve, you can tell if you’re on the right path if your objet d’amour says what they mean, is a good listener, and either accepts or works to resolve any differences.
For more information on this, check out our article: Mastering active listening – the secret to stronger connections.
8. They accept responsibility
You know you’re with a potential keeper if they’re frank about their part in the breakup of past relationships, and don’t blame everyone but themselves or take on a victim role.
Accepting their part in past splits shows maturity, self-awareness, and someone who can accept responsibility – all of which are important foundations for their next relationship. And if they’re on decent terms with their ex, even better. Green flags all around.
Note: This green flag is applied very generally and isn’t intended to represent those who were victims in relationships that were abusive or unsafe.
9. They’re considerate
Any relationship, whether short or long-term, simply won’t flourish without consideration and thoughtfulness. This starts with simple things like being punctual, not cancelling at the last minute, and respecting your time and effort.
A concern for your welfare – even if it’s just checking you’re comfortable/dry/not too tired during a walk to the pub – is a good indicator. Better still, if they remember what you do and don’t like and, without being prompted, act on it.
In contrast, things like planning a date solely around their schedule or not suggesting anything you’d like to do despite knowing your preferences could be a red flag.
10. You enjoy being with them
This might seem ridiculously obvious but it’s essential that you enjoy one another’s company. In the eagerness to find a partner, people can team up with someone who they don’t really like spending time with.
If you find that you’re always filling your diary with things to do, rather than spending any time curled up on the sofa in front of the TV together, it could be worth considering how much you really have in common. If, however, you like hanging out with one another, feel confident with your partner, and laugh together – even when you’re doing boring things – the green flags are out and, chances are, the relationship is worth pursuing.
11. They support you
Of course, you and your partner won’t always agree on everything, but as long as you work through disagreements until you find a mutual solution, your relationship will hopefully remain crack-free.
Underneath it all, your love interest should be supportive of you – through both good and bad times. If, say, you get promoted or try something outside your comfort zone, they should be pleased for you. On the other hand, if you find yourself reluctant to share good news or don’t feel you can confide in them when you need a shoulder to lean on, maybe you should ask yourself why.
12. They get on with your friends and family
Hopefully, your new amour fou will like your nearest and dearest just as much as you do. However, sometimes this just doesn’t happen. While no prospective partner has to jump for joy at the thought of visiting your friends and family, they should show tolerance and make an effort at any meet-ups.
Even if they don’t love your friends or relatives, they should give you space to see them without criticism.
Final thoughts…
When dating new people, it can be easy to focus on all the things that could be wrong with a person or a potential relationship. While it’s sensible to look out for red flags that could signal future problems, it’s important to recognise green flags, too, as these could lay the foundation for a healthy and positive relationship.
For further reading, why not check out our list of 16 self-affirmations to remember while searching for love? And if you’re looking for your next date, why not try our Rest Less Dating platform?
What green flags do you look for when dating someone new? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.