Care isn’t always easy to talk about – especially with family members. Sometimes, people find it difficult to accept help due to fear of losing their independence; and it can be equally tough for the relatives supporting their loved ones through these changes.
If you have a relative who you think could benefit from some extra care or support at home, you might be wondering where to start.
Decisions surrounding care aren’t always straightforward and often require a great deal of thought, planning, patience, and sensitivity. So, it can be useful to have a little help along the way.
From having that first chat with a relative about care, to long-term funding plans, all while making sure everyone’s looked after in the process – there are lots of things to consider.
With this in mind, we’ve pulled together seven questions to ask if you think a relative needs care at home.
1. How should I talk to my relative about care?
Care can be difficult to talk about, so it’s good to prepare.
Taking a moment to consider the other person’s perspective and acknowledge why the conversation might be difficult for them can be helpful. This way, if the conversation gets tricky, it’ll likely be easier to remain patient and understanding.
Below are some other things you might like to consider when speaking to your relative about care…
Choose your timing and location carefully
Talking about care in an environment that your loved one is comfortable in and where you can both relax is important. This will make it easier for you both to open up, listen, and be honest – without having to worry about any distracting external noises or people eavesdropping.
If you can, it might be helpful to bring the topic of care up when your relative is in a more positive mindset. If they’re having a bad day or week, piling anything else on their plate can be counterintuitive. Plus, the conversation will probably go better if you wait for the right time too.
That said, everyone is different, and the best way for someone else to approach the subject of care with their relative might not be the right way for your family. So, try not to overthink the situation, and instead, listen to your intuition. You’ll likely get a natural sense of when is a good time to speak to your relative about care and when isn’t.
Allow them the space to speak
Making sure the conversation is equal, and that both you and your relative have the opportunity to share what’s on your mind, is key.
Not only will this move the conversation forward, it may also help you to work out what type of care your relative would benefit from the most. For example, is there anything that they’re particularly struggling with at home? How do they feel they’re coping? Do they have any preferences for the type of care received?
It can be easy to go into organisational mode and want to start sorting everything out yourself, but it’s important that your relative plays as much of a role in it as they want to as well.
Even if circumstances mean you’ll need to arrange it yourself, it’s still important that your loved one feels as involved as possible. This can also help manage any feelings that they’re losing control over their lives.
How to bring up the topic of care with your relative
It’s important to try to make the purpose of the conversation clear from the get-go. Some people find it useful to explain to their loved one that they want to do what’s best for them, and that care could be a solution to make their life easier.
It’s also worth highlighting the many positives of care, and explaining that it won’t necessarily mean losing independence. In fact, for some people, care can offer a new lease of life by allowing them to stay at home and not rely on family members so much.
2. Can my employer help me organise care for my relative?
Sometimes it can be difficult to juggle work and caring for a relative. As a result, the government is now urging employers to consider offering flexible working opportunities for employees who care for their relatives.
You can read more about this in our article; Flexible working and carer’s leave – what are the new rights and how can I apply?
3. How can I look after my relative’s mental wellbeing during the care process?
Care can be a sensitive topic as some people find it difficult to acknowledge when they need help.
They may feel embarrassed, upset, or even ashamed that they can no longer do all the things that they used to and may grieve the loss of their independence. For those who’ve never needed help before, this can be especially painful.
These emotions can take their toll, so it’s important to be kind and put yourself in your loved one’s shoes. Listening to them and arranging simple things to cheer them up, like a day out or a visit from their grandchildren, can make a huge difference. For more ideas, you might like to have a read of our article; 9 fun activities to do with the person you care for.
4. How can I make sure I’m looked after too?
While the majority of your focus will be on your relative, it’s important to make sure that you’re looked after in the process too. Care can be a heavy topic and being at the forefront of planning and arranging it can feel intense.
It’s important to make sure that you still have time for yourself to explore your interests, clear your mind, and breathe.
If you’re feeling anxious or stressed about a relative needing care, you might like to consider seeking support from groups like Care Rights UK. Care Rights UK is a national charity which supports people who need care, as well as their relatives and friends.
If you’re currently helping to care for someone, it’s also worth getting a carer’s assessment through your local council. This will assess what may help you with your caring role and could result in equipment that would make caring easier, information about local support groups, and respite care.
You can also check your eligibility for Carer’s Allowance, which is a payment of £81.90 a week if you care for someone for 35 hours each week.
For more tips, our article, 8 ways to look after yourself when caring for a relative, is worth a read. The most important thing to remember is that you’re not alone and there’s support out there if you’re struggling.
5. What type of home care would my relative benefit from?
One of the most useful things you can do if you think a relative needs support is to arrange a care needs assessment through your local council, which will determine whether your relative needs care.
Someone from the local council (for example, an occupational therapist) will assess your relative’s needs by asking them how they cope with everyday tasks such as dressing and cooking, and what it is they struggle with.
If the council decides that your relative requires care, they’ll recommend potential options. This may include changes to the home, practical help from a paid carer, or moving into a care home.
The care needs assessment is free and anyone can request it, so it’s worth arranging one to get a clearer idea of your relative’s needs.
To learn more about care needs assessments, you may find it useful to read our article, here. Or, to apply for one, you’ll need to contact the social services department of your local council, which you can do by calling them or enquiring online.
6. How much does it cost to self-fund care?
Your relative will usually be expected to contribute towards the cost of their care. However, depending on their individual circumstances, the local council may also contribute.
The amount your relative needs to pay will depend on both their level of need and what assets they have. It can also vary depending on the type of care they require and the area they live in.
Paying for home care and support
Following a care needs assessment, the local council will carry out a financial means test. This test will consider your relative’s income and any savings that they have in order to work out how much they’ll need to pay towards the cost of care.
Certain types of income may not be included in the financial means test (for example, disability benefits and pensions) – but all others will be considered.
Shown below is how the financial means test for social care considers income and savings, and how this will determine the amount your relative will need to pay towards home care and support…
| Your relative’s capital | What your relative will have to pay for care |
| Over £23,250 | Your relative will need to pay full care fees – in other words, they/you will need to fund any care needed. |
| Between £14,250 and £23,250 | The local council will contribute towards some care, but your relative/you will need to pay for the rest. |
| Less than £14,250 | This capital won’t be included in the financial means test. The local council will pay for your relative’s care. However, any ‘income’ included in the means test will still be taken into account, for example, savings or pensions. |
If your relative is eligible for financial support, they can decide whether they’d like the local council to arrange care for them, or if they’d prefer to receive direct payments and arrange it themselves.
If your relative is unable to manage direct payments themselves, a ‘suitable person’ (for example, a family member) can be appointed to receive and manage the payments on their behalf. You can read more about who can receive direct payments on the Citizens Advice website.
7. Where can I find reputable care providers?
If your relative doesn’t need to move into residential care but is still in need of some help and support, you can either search for home care through care agencies or employ a care worker directly.
Finding care through care agencies
Your local council should be able to offer a list of care agencies in the area and advise you on suitable care regarding your relative’s budget.
You can also search for registered care agencies using the websites below…
- In England – the Care Quality Commission is the social care regulator.
- In Wales – the Care Inspectorate Wales is responsible for inspecting social care services.
- In Scotland – the Care Inspectorate regulates and inspects care services.
- In Northern Ireland – the Regulation and Quality Improvement Authority is the social care regulator.
- The UK Home Care Association provides details of homecare agencies that follow its code of practice.
Organising care through an agency can be more expensive than employing a care worker directly, but there a number of benefits to it.
For example, the care agency will handle all the employment responsibilities for you, and, if required, will provide a replacement care worker.
Just remember to make sure you read any contracts before signing. For example, some may include additional fees, like an ‘Introductory Fee’. If anything seems unclear, it’s worth seeking advice from organisations such as Citizen’s Advice or the Disability Law Service.
Employing a care worker directly
If you’d prefer to employ a care worker directly, it’s important to note that this means your relative will take on the responsibilities of an employer.
Employer responsibilities include finding out whether the employee has the right to work in the UK, checking their DBS, and ensuring that there are no potential health and safety risks.
If your relative is unable to be involved in the employment process, and someone is receiving direct payments from the council on their behalf, the employer’s responsibilities will fall to them instead. You can read more about the responsibilities of employing a care worker on the NiDirect Government Services website.
There are some websites that provide useful information on employing care workers. For example, Acas offers advice and guidance to employers and employees, including information on employing care workers. Being the Boss is also a peer support website where people with disabilities share knowledge, support, and advice on employing personal assistants.
Final thoughts...
Acknowledging that a relative needs care and taking steps to organise it can be difficult.
From deciding the right type of care to discussing it with your relative and putting a long-term care plan in place, there’s a lot to think about.
But it’s important to remember that you’re not alone and that there are plenty of resources out there to help you. By reading this article and taking the time to consider your relative’s needs, you’ve already taken the first step towards helping them find the best care.
For further guidance and support, head over to the care section of our website. Here, you’ll find information on everything from different types of care to advice on finding a care home.
Have you had to consider care for a relative? What was the process of talking about and arranging care like? We’d be interested to hear from you in the comments below.
