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Would you like to help couples work through their issues, heal old wounds, and put an end to conflict?
Relationship counsellors help couples communicate more effectively so that they can reach conclusions about their relationship and take positive steps forward.
What do relationship counsellors do?
Relationships are important, and the quality of our closest connections can greatly influence how we feel about ourselves, how we choose to live our lives, and how we treat those around us.
Relationship counsellors provide couples with a safe, non-judgemental space to communicate and identify any underlying issues that might be causing disagreements or a sense of disconnection. They don’t offer direct advice, but they listen, encourage partners to hear each other, and ask questions that help couples explore their feelings more deeply.
While the goal of counselling is often to help couples get back on track, it can also sometimes lead to the end of a relationship if one or both individuals discover they might be better off apart.
Couples seek counselling to work through various problems, such as…
- Communication issues
- Infidelity
- Trust Issues
- Sexual issues
- Issues within the family, for example, trouble accepting that one partner has a child from another relationship.
- Financial issues
Even if a relationship counsellor has strong opinions about how one or both of the people in the couple are behaving, they can’t express these or side with either party. Instead, they must support and facilitate a couple’s communication whilst remaining neutral.
During a couple’s counselling sessions, a relationship counsellor might…
- Encourage both people in a couple to talk to one another openly about how they’re feeling.
- Listen to and empathise with couples in an unbiased manner.
- Build trusting relationships so couples feel they have a safe place to open up.
- Steer the direction of conversation between partners – making sure that it’s as productive as possible, rather than just an excuse to have another argument.
- Agree on an action plan with a couple during the first session to determine realistic goals for what they want to achieve, both individually and as a partnership.
- Help couples better understand their feelings and behavioural patterns so they can work out how it might be affecting their relationship.
- Support couples, both as individuals and as a pair, in making positive decisions going forward.
- Refer couples to other sources of help when necessary.
- Liaise with other professionals such as GPs, hospital staff, and community mental health teams when appropriate – always respecting patient confidentiality.
- Keep records of counselling sessions and couples’ progress.
- Suggest helpful tools and coping strategies that couples can use outside of counselling sessions.
Most relationship counsellors work with clients face-to-face, but sometimes there are opportunities to counsel couples online or over the phone.
What skills do I need to become a relationship counsellor?
The right person will…
- Have excellent communication skills.
- Be receptive to new ideas and prepared to commit to training – it’s a skilled job.
- Be able to demonstrate patience and understanding.
- Be reliable and trustworthy.
- Be able to exercise discretion and respect patient confidentiality.
- Have a warm and approachable nature.
- Be a good listener.
- Be able to remain unbiased/neutral.
- Be able to keep their own personal issues separate from their relationship with the client.
- Look after themselves both mentally and physically, to prevent clients’ issues from becoming an unhealthy burden.
- Be non-judgemental and empathetic.
- Be self-aware, mature, and stable.
Counselling can be an incredibly rewarding career path, but trying not to get caught up in others’ circumstances can be a challenge (especially if couples are in a real state of conflict), so having life experience under your belt can be a real bonus.
Experienced individuals who have lived through life’s ups and downs can often find it easier to empathise with others going through similar circumstances.
What will I love about being a relationship counsellor?
- Helping couples work through their problems and work towards a more positive future – either together or apart.
- Following couples on their journey of emotional exploration from start to finish. It can be very rewarding to see the progress that they make and how much happier they can become.
- Flexible hours – very often, you can work from your own home if you have suitable space.
“It’s a privilege to work in a field where it feels like you can make a difference to an important aspect of people’s lives.”
What are the challenges of being a relationship counsellor?
- Listening to other people’s problems every day can be challenging – especially if the things they want to discuss are particularly harrowing or a couple is struggling to stop arguing and start communicating effectively. However, it’s usually a requirement that counsellors have counselling themselves to help them deal with everything they’re exposed to.
- Counselling isn’t for everyone, and while you’ll want to help all your clients feel better, sometimes you’ll have to accept that you can’t solve all their issues. Some couples just aren’t meant to be together, which can be tough when they initially come to you, hoping they can fix their relationship.
- Training is incredibly stimulating but occasionally intellectually and mentally demanding. It takes around three and a half years from start to finish, though it can be completed flexibly around work. You’ll need to commit financially and emotionally.
How much will I earn as a relationship counsellor?
This, in a way, is up to you. If you decide to work in a private practice, you could earn £60-£100+ per hour, depending on the area you work in and the needs of the client. Costs and overheads are generally low, especially if you are using your own premises.
Some local authorities and organisations like Relate also employ relationship counsellors. Salaries range from £28,000 to £48,000 per year, depending on experience and location.
How do I get started as a relationship counsellor?
There’s no set route to becoming a relationship counsellor. However, you’ll certainly need to undertake some practical and theoretical training before applying for your first role or setting up your own counselling practice.
Tavistock Relationships offers world-renowned courses and clinical training to people looking to train as relationship counsellors. These run over several weeks and are specifically designed to give people with little or no clinical experience – and from a wide range of professional backgrounds – greater insight into what it’s like to be a relationship counsellor.
The courses introduce a range of couple psychotherapy theories – with seminars, role-plays, and workshops on changing trends in family and intimate relationships, the impact of children on couples, divorce, serial marriages, bereavement, and step-families.
Successful completion of the course will allow you to apply for a place on a Tavistock Relationship Master’s Programme, such as the PGDip/MA: Couple and Individual Counselling/Psychotherapy – a three-year course, consisting mainly of clinical training – and enable you to become a fully qualified relationship counsellor.
After this is completed, the organisation sometimes offers full-time jobs in couples therapy for qualified trainees.
Or if you’re looking to hear from someone who has transitioned into a career as a relationship counsellor in their 50s, you can read Heidi’s story about retraining from an education officer to a relationship counsellor at 51.
Have you recently changed your career? Or are you looking to do something different? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
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