There are various reasons why dating can feel nerve-wracking. Perhaps you struggle with being open, or have recently found yourself single for the first time in years and feel unfamiliar with the modern dating scene.
But, while putting yourself out there can be daunting, it can also be the first step towards finding great love and companionship.
With that said, we’ve pulled together nine things to remember while searching for a happy and fulfilling relationship.
1. Know your worth
“Too many people overvalue what they are not, and undervalue what they are.”
None of us are born doubting or questioning ourselves, but as we move through life, attitudes, experiences, and expectations can impact how we perceive ourselves.
Knowing your worth is important generally, but it’s particularly key when it comes to understanding what you deserve from a partner.
If you struggle with self-worth, you might find our articles, 16 ways to improve your confidence and self-esteem and 7 powerful ways to conquer self-limiting thoughts, useful.
Our article on how practising gratitude can lead to a happier life is also worth a read. Practising gratitude is linked with improved self-esteem, optimism, and more successful relationships.
2. Remain open-minded
Many of us may have underlying expectations when it comes to what we’re looking for in a partner. For example, we might say we have a ‘type’. However, if you’re yet to find your person, it might be worth reassessing your approach to dating.
Researchers at Psychology Today suggest that by going after a specific type, people can significantly narrow their romantic options and risk falling into a pattern of pursuing people who aren’t necessarily the best match for them.
It’s natural to seek certain traits in a partner – for example, someone who’s funny or a good listener – but it can be helpful to keep an open mind. Having different interests doesn’t necessarily mean you’re incompatible – there are plenty of happy couples who are great examples of the ‘opposites attract’ theory.
Take Mairi, for example, who tells us how going for someone who wasn’t her usual type helped her find love after 50.
3. Try not to take rejection personally
“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.”
These days, more and more people are taking their search for love online. And while online dating allows us to connect with people who we might not have otherwise met, it can be problematic too. Online dating platforms have made it significantly easier for people to reject others without explanation.
This can be disheartening and hurtful, and often leaves people second-guessing themselves and wondering what went wrong.
If you relate to this, remember that other people’s behaviour is a reflection of them, not you. Rejection is often uncomfortable on both sides, so it’s unsurprising that so many jump at the chance to hide behind a screen and avoid it altogether online. If this is something you’ve dealt with, you might find it helpful to read our article; How to cope with being ghosted.
That said, online dating platforms can also be a great place to meet good, genuine people, so don’t be put off – it’s just something that’s worth being aware of.
Our articles, 10 tips for staying safe while dating online and 7 ways to start a conversation on a dating app, have some useful guidance for navigating online dating. We also have a beginner’s guide to dating online over 50. And if you’re looking to give online dating a go, why not sign up to Rest Less Dating? Here, you’ll be able to connect with singles over 50 in a safe and secure environment.
4. Be yourself
“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.”
When you meet someone you like, it’s normal to want to show them the best version of yourself. Especially since dating these days, particularly in an online setting, can sometimes feel as though it comes with a whole new pressure for perfection.
You might feel inclined to hide certain parts of yourself – for example, topics or hobbies you’re passionate about – due to fear that the other person won’t be interested.
However, if you’re seeking a happy, successful relationship, it’s important to be yourself. Feeling lonely in a relationship often stems from feeling like you’re pretending to be something you’re not.
5. Take things slow and steady
Relationships can sometimes pick up speed quickly – particularly if you meet someone you can see a future with.
Getting to know someone new is fun and exciting, but it’s important to maintain perspective and not rush things. This will help you avoid taking steps that you might regret later on and remain confident in any decisions you make.
If you struggle to take things slow, you might find it useful to speak to yourself as though you were giving a friend advice. Observing the relationship from an outsider’s perspective can help to take emotion out of a situation and provide you with a clearer view.
Have a read of this advice on staying realistic during the honeymoon period from Stylist for more tips.
6. Keep your priorities balanced
When you’re in a new relationship or have met somebody you really like, you’ll naturally spend time getting to know them. But it’s important not to lose sight of everything else in your life or push other priorities aside.
This means continuing to invest in relationships with family and friends, as well as activities or hobbies that are important to you. Allowing each other the space to grow independently as well as together is a key part of any happy and healthy relationship.
It’s also important as, should the relationship not work out, you’ll still be your own person with a full life to enjoy. For many people, this can make the breakup process significantly less painful.
7. Don’t get caught up on having the perfect ‘how we met’ story
The popularity of dating apps has grown significantly in recent years, and many couples now meet online. In fact, dating app eHarmony has predicted that by 2040, 70% of all relationships will start online.
Nevertheless, there’s sometimes still a stigma around relationships that start online. Some people view the process as inauthentic or unromantic, which can lead to a fear of judgement from others.
This can be particularly true of older generations, who didn’t grow up with dating apps. For example, this 2020 study from YouGov revealed that one in five people aged 50 to 64 met their partner by chance while out and about; while, for those aged 20 to 29, this was much rarer, with just one in 20 people meeting their partner organically.
While in an ideal world you might prefer a chance meeting, this isn’t the be all and end all. Instead, it’s much more fruitful to consider your relationship as a whole rather than just how you met.
8. Don’t shrug off red flags
It’s useful to remain open-minded when dating – after all, none of us are perfect.
However, while small issues like being late, leaving the toilet seat up, or forgetting to take shoes off when coming into the house can usually be resolved with a little discussion and compromise, there are certain behaviours that shouldn’t be ignored.
Examples of red flags include feeling as though you’re treading on eggshells, or being with someone who refuses to put a label on your relationship even after you’ve been dating for a while.
A key part of any happy and healthy relationship is feeling appreciated, valued, and respected by your partner. So if you’re dating someone who constantly leaves you doubting yourself, it’s best to address it early on.
If something in your gut doesn’t feel right, don’t dismiss the feeling.
9. Consider whether you’re ready to date again
“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”
If you’re thinking about dating again, perhaps for the first time in a while, it’s important to consider whether you’re ready.
Successful, fulfilling relationships require a level of openness and vulnerability – so if you’re still carrying wounds from your past, it’s best to deal with these before searching for a new partner.
Depending on your circumstances, you might find it useful to talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. For more advice, have a read of this guide to letting go of the past from Medical News Today.
You might also find it useful to read our articles; 8 questions to help you decide whether you’re ready to date again and How to cope with the end of a relationship.
Remember, society is sometimes guilty of making us feel like we need to be in a relationship to be happy, but it’s okay if you’re not ready.
Final thoughts…
Dating can be nerve-wracking, especially if you’ve been single for a while. But staying open-minded, being yourself, and standing firm in what you deserve are all things that can help to put you on the right track towards finding a happy and lasting relationship.
For more tips and advice, you might like to visit the dating section of our website. Or, if you’re ready to meet some new people and try online dating, why not sign up to Rest Less Dating?
What do you think are the most important factors of a happy relationship? Do you have any other dating tips? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.