Sometimes the little green flags that suggest you may have found your match can be difficult to see. While red flags are louder and warn you, pretty quickly, to put the brakes on a relationship, the green flags of compatibility are more subtle and can be missed. This is especially true on a nervous first date or two, or in the throws of a sexy, exciting new romance.
Often, the ways of knowing whether or not someone is right for you are in the small but fundamental signs that show respect and shared values. Find these, and your date could likely morph into a significant other. It’s all about spotting the small signs.
The green flags could be waving if…
1. They make an effort
This starts with their online dating photo which has to be a decent – and recent – photo (nothing that’s decades old or an awkward selfie) and an interesting profile that offers more than the usual love of travel and food.
Are they passionate about anything in particular? Do they like discovering new wine, visiting ancient ruins, or playing in a Dad or Mum band? A hobby shows motivation, interest in the world at large, and a potentially engaging personality.
If, when you meet, they also look smart and are keen to impress, then it might be worth ordering that second coffee!
2. They show interest
It seems obvious, but it’s worth mentioning that any new potential partner should be interested in you and not just in how attractive you look. The first date, and possibly a few afterwards, should be a bit like ping-pong (only slower!) where you each ask about the other, share a mutual curiosity, and find subjects you both like to talk about.
Conversations don’t have to be too deep at this stage. But your date does need to show a desire to get to know you and add information to the conversation or ask questions. And, if they crack a self-deprecating joke or two, you really could be on firm ground.
What shouldn’t happen – and may be a red flag – is when your companion spends the time simply talking about themselves and asks very little about you. You deserve better.
3. They’re in the right frame of mind
Both you and your date need to be in a good place emotionally if a twosome is going to blossom. If, however, your date is still recovering from a traumatic break-up, it could impinge on any new get-together. It doesn’t matter how engaging or how much of a Mr or Mrs Right you are if your partner simply isn’t ready to act on it.
A date who’s in a good place and has a positive relationship with themselves will be more likely to feel good about meeting up, and pick up on all the wonderful things about you.
4. They’re kind to others
How your date behaves to others outside of your relationship, is a big indicator of who they are as a person. It’s also an illustration of how they’ll behave inside the private world of a couple.
The signs are tiny but significant: do they thank the busy waitress in the café or patronise them? Do they phone or visit their elderly mother or just talk about it? Do they gossip about their friends or are they supportive and loyal? If they behave positively, it’s a sign you’re on to a winner.
5. They have a sense of humour
It doesn’t matter how seemingly perfect your date is – if you can’t have a laugh, life together could quickly become dull.
Being able to giggle at a situation helps to relieve tension, and is a great way of making the ups and downs of life more bearable. Humour also shows a flexibility of mind, which again, makes life easier to navigate.
6. They share the same values
Everyone’s needs and values are slightly different – but having similar values is the bedrock of any relationship. While differing attitudes can make for a bumpy ride, sharing a similar belief system can encourage you to pull together and could be a big green flag.
Do they talk about their parents and friends with humour and generosity? Do they want their family to be heavily involved in your lives? Are they religious and, if so, does it matter? Are they vegetarian or a meat-eater and does it bother you?
7. They’re a good, clear communicator
Open and honest discussion is a foundation stone of any relationship. Partnerships without it will be hard-pressed to survive.
When one person doesn’t open up about how they feel or what they want, this can cause frustration and disappointment. Even worse, if someone sulks or flat-out refuses to discuss things that are important to you, this should have you running for the hills.
While genuine openness might take a while to achieve, you can tell if you’re on the right path if your objet d’amour says what they mean, is a good listener, and either accepts or works to resolve any differences.
8. They accept responsibility
You know you’re with a potential keeper if they’re frank about their part in the breakup of their last relationship (assuming there was one), and won’t blame everyone but themselves or take a victim role.
Accepting that it takes two to tango and, therefore, two to split, shows maturity, self-awareness, and someone who can accept responsibility – all of which are great foundations for their next relationship. And if they’re on decent terms with their ex, even better. Green flags all around.
Note: This green flag is applied very generally and isn’t intended to represent those who were victims in relationships that were abusive or unsafe.
9. They’re considerate
Any relationship, whether short- or long-term, simply won’t flourish without consideration and thoughtfulness. This starts with simple things like being punctual, not cancelling at the last minute, and respecting your time and effort.
A concern for your welfare – even if it’s just checking you’re comfortable/dry/not tired, during a walk to the pub – is a good indicator. Green flags could also be fluttering furiously if your date considers your wishes. Better still, if they remember what you do and don’t like and, without being prompted, act positively on it, you could be with a keeper.
In contrast, things like telling you where and when to meet for a date rather than asking, or not suggesting anything you’d like to do despite knowing your preferences, could be a warning signal of future problems and a red flag.
10. You enjoy being with them
This might seem ridiculously obvious but you do actually need to enjoy one another’s company. In the eagerness to find a partner, people can team up with someone who they don’t really want to spend a lot of time with.
If you find that you’re filling your diary with things to do, rather than spending a night curled up on the sofa in front of the TV together, you might have a problem. If, however, you like hanging out with one another, feel confident with your partner, and laugh together – even when you’re doing boring things like shopping – the green flags will be out and the chances are, your relationship is worth pursuing.
11. They show you support
Of course, you and your partner won’t always agree and you still might argue over the washing up or, more fundamentally, where you want to live. But, as long as you work through it to find a mutual solution, your relationship will hopefully remain crack-free.
Underneath it all, your love interest should, overall, be supportive of you – through both good and bad times. If, say, you get promoted or win a nice amount on the lottery, they should be pleased for you. On the other hand, if you find yourself reluctant to share good news or don’t feel you can confide in them when you need a shoulder to lean on, maybe you should ask yourself why.
12. They get on with your friends and family
Hopefully, your new amour fou will like your nearest and dearest just as much as you do. However, sometimes this just doesn’t happen. While no prospective partner has to jump for joy at the thought of visiting your friends and family, they should show tolerance and make an effort at any meet-ups.
If they don’t criticise your best friend or relatives, despite not being fond of them, and give you space to see them all, this is even better.
Final thoughts…
When dating new people, it can be easy to focus on all the things that could be wrong with a person or a potential relationship. And while it’s sensible to look out for red flags that could signal future problems, it’s important to recognise green flags too, as these could lay the foundation for a healthy and positive relationship.
For more reading, why not check out our list of 16 self-affirmations to remember while searching for love? And if you’re looking for your next date, why not try our Rest Less dating platform?
What green flags do you look for when dating someone new? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.