This article was written for Annabel & Grace, which is now part of Rest Less.
I absolutely understand the lengths ladies go to when they want to. Perhaps you’d be surprised to know men feel the same, but we’re just not allowed to show it for fear of being thought un-masculine. I know this is C21 but it is the case for many – including me as a Northern Male.
Men love a woman who tries to look her best and that is a very good thing. I love a lady who knows what works for her in colour or style, so longer sleeves and lower hemlines work as well as shorter ones for many. But here’s the rub.
Many decent chaps don’t mind the bits you think you should hide. Lots of us can get on with bingo wings if you have a lovely smile. Many love a curvy figure and would rather you keep it that way. Not loving your legs anymore? I think you’ll find we will.
Just take care of what you have and if you have worries about how you look, share them with your partner. All we ask.
Recently I began a relationship with a lady whose confidence was shot to hell for many reasons.
She’d had breast cancer that required the removal and reconstruction of her right breast which left her without a nipple. She’d had both her knee joints replaced and as a result her weight had ballooned because she couldn’t exercise. She felt finding someone new in her state was an impossible ask. She was addicted to anti-depressants, was in debt, hadn’t had a holiday for 9 years and both her adult sons had flown the nest, leaving her alone. She felt dreadful.
But with amazing courage she put herself out there on the internet – and found me.
What did I like? Let me count the ways. Her courage, smile, oat biscuits, forgiveness, patience, flexibility, sexiness, vulnerability and humour in the face of adversity.
I suppose the message is it’s OK to feel unattractive. It’s not wrong to think you’re no longer worth looking at. Well, let me tell you this. You are.
Brown spots on your hands? Not bothered. Grey hairs amongst the others? Who cares. Can’t wear heels anymore? Not a problem. We don’t care if you spend ages brushing your hair as we wait for you to come to bed. In fact I might just jump out and kiss you on the neck because you do.
I can only speak for myself of course, but I love a lady who dresses well, takes care of herself and asks if I like what she’s wearing. I will go further and admit to enjoying going clothes shopping and being asked my opinion on what works.
Fenella Fielding recently passed away at the age of 90. As I looked at her smile in the 60’s film Carry On Screaming and the last picture of her promoting her autobiography “Do You Mind If I Smoke?” it was just the same. Red lips, a smile and a twinkle in her eye from a woman who knew that, despite her age, her inner beauty was right out there because she was confident. As a result I was as captivated by seeing her then as I was 50 years ago.
So the message from the male camp is: we love it when you do all you can to look and be fabulous. But we love you too without your make-up, with your hair a mess and stuff going wrong.
We have a saying in Yorkshire. “It’ll be reet lass” – and it invariably is.
More masculine musings from our Northern Male can be read here.