This article was written for Annabel & Grace, which is now part of Rest Less.
I said to my husband I am going to write about love this week. He replied, “Love is a many splendored thing” and then got up from his chair to go and watch the rugby. So that was that the extent of his thoughts on this subject. Is it just women who wonder and worry about love? Are men more accepting of this emotion as a female thing, sex being more important to them?
Anyway it seems like a good week to tackle this topic and this morning, as I listened to the soap opera, The Archers, (which has lasted forever!) this quote, ‘Love lasts forever but life moves on’, came from Shula’s reading at church.
I am not sure I do entirely agree with this quote as nothing lasts forever which may be a little cynical particularly as we approach Valentine’s Day. Inevitably many people will look at their love relationships this week. I don’t just mean the husband/wife or partner combination, but also the relationships with one’s friends and family.
Love is, after all, an emotion – and just like anger, despair, or euphoria, it can be insubordinate to our conscious wishes. Some would say falling in love will inevitably bring pain at some point and maybe at many points. Can it be that the one emotion that we all crave is such a minefield?
I always say that my two top desires are good health and love and if I can have them both at the same time it is a double bonus. But the latter is a rollercoaster and as I now look back at past loves I realise that it is a constantly evolving emotion. Why you fall in love with a person can often be for completely different reasons than the ones that have kept you together for so many years.
The emotion you feel with your newborn baby is another form of love however that too will have its ups and downs. Expectations can be high, on both sides, and there are moments when we can let the other down. However true love means you come back together as you realise that it was not worth falling out forever.
Of course, having mentioned birth, there has to be a mention of death. The ultimate point at which life moves on. Surely seeing the person you love most in the world suffer through ill-health and then die is the hardest emotion of all to cope with? To lose the person you have shared everything with for so long makes it seem impossible to carry on without them. But people do and I admire them so much for doing so. They may carry a broken heart but they do not let it show.
The saying, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, is so true. Nothing that is worthwhile comes without a lot of work. A beautiful garden requires a lot of tending and nurturing to maintain it. This also applies to a loving relationship.
Love is like fire on a rainy day: you’ve got to spend all your time protecting it, feeding it, tending it because if you don’t it goes out.”
Guillaume Musso
Why you should fall in love ?
The answer is because life is all about experiences. Doing things which give you pleasure. Experimenting with things which give you that excitement and thrill. This differentiates a human from a robot. Humans have emotions, love is the peak of these emotions. Love makes life worth living. It exposes you to feelings, emotions and sensations which you yourself never knew you had but were a part of you.
However it is always worth getting help to maintain such a relationship as the rest of life can throw you some curved balls that get in the way of your relationships. Here are some tips that I picked up from someone trained in keeping relationships on track. I call them
My Ten Commandments of Love!
- Be nice to each other.
- Find little things to do that make your partner smile.
- Let go of the little things that bug you about your mate.
- Never argue in front of the kids.
- Look for the good things that your partner does.
- Never blame, shame, or complain.
- Leave love notes.
- Cuddle often
- Have dinner as a family whenever possible.
- Trust that you are with the right person.
What I do know is that no journey in love is perfect. But it is unique and for these reasons I will stick with my other half to the end and maybe even go and watch the rugby with him.
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